DUDE.....wtfever, man

See, man....I thought it was something important. Something of some consequence. You made it sound like we had some let some personal detail of considerable importance get into the wrong head. And I felt bad. I was upset and confused, like, what could it possibly be? How could this have happened? B/c we don't DO shit like that. Unlike some people, we are extremely loyal and protective of those around us. But now, and I hope this doesn't make me seem callous or anything, but NOW all I can do is laugh. B/c you wanna act like all the shit talking that has gone on was secret and covert the whole time?!?!??! lmao. Sorry lady, that ain't the way it works. When I'm talking shit, you can be damn sure that I know any and all that shit leaving my lips could be traced back to me. And that's ok. When I talk shit it ain't no secret. It's never "omg, leslie is a fat beast made out of bacon grease, but DON'T tell anyone I said that, ok?" Naw. Naw. See the personal shit we shared I have kept in the utmost confidence. But the shit talking true or not-when was that a secret? I never had a problem with those bithces knowing anything I said about them. Or know that I told you. You do realize that this whole court nonsense started because of you, right? B/c the heifer was talking crap, not even truly crap about you, but crap nevertheless, and we told you and you felt the need to say something. And she was sooooo upset that we told you the crap she was talking when she called that she withheld the kids and we had to go for like 3 weeks with out seeing our kids, Trin went three weeks w/o her sisters-that was all over of you. You know that, right? But we never blamed you. We never regretted telling you. That was never even the issue. In our misery and grief (cuz we get sick, physically ill, when we can't see them for a long time)we coulda been like, this is all Cara's fault, why does she ALWAYS gotta say something! But we didn't. We never looked it that way. But you guys are so....I dunno.... scared? Can't let them see our page, don't write that-what if they see it. Take that picture down, what if someone sees it and then tells them about it, JIMMINY CRICKET! I remember, I haven't forgotten, that Americo didn't even want to be friends b/c he thought it might make Leslie angry. O lawd.
Whatever. Keep your allegiance, out of fear, to those people whom you have to see from time to time(you know, the whole sharing of the cousins, yadayada) Spare yourself the "unnecessary drama" we didn't jump ship when we got slapped in the face by "
unnecessary drama" over you.....two.....people.(excellent use of restraint there ash, good job) but I guess this will spare us future "unnecessary drama" you guys do cause your share-just so you know.




And for anyone who wants to know-the shit wans't speculation when it was shared with me-it was told to me as FACT. just fyi.

lil obama girl

I'm impressed. Trin soooo cannot say "Barack Obama"

speaking of birthdays

do you know that garbage ass cunt bitch didn't even have the twins call van on his birthday????? Even tho on hers we let her get them and it wasn't b/c f no damn court order-the court said we didn't have to, actually-it was out of the kindness and compassion in our muthafucking HEARTS cuz we had somewhere to be that day but we postponed it so this shit for brains thankles having (yes, people that is THIGHS for ANKLES) ASSFACED BITCH wouldn't even let the girls call their FATHER on his birthday. I hope she goes to hell. And soon.
And don't trip she can't see this so talk all the shit you want. The bitch deserves it. omg! i wanna run her over! but i'm afraid she might damage my car!

speaking of birthdays

do you know that garbage ass cunt bitch didn't even have the twins call van on his birthday????? Even tho on hers we let her get them and it wasn't b/c f no damn court order-the court said we didn't have to, actually-it was out of the kindness and compassion in our muthafucking HEARTS cuz we had somewhere to be that day but we postponed it so this shit for brains thankles having (yes, people that is THIGHS for ANKLES) ASSFACED BITCH wouldn't even let the girls call their FATHER on his birthday. I hope she goes to hell. And soon.
And don't trip she can't see this so talk all the shit you want. The bitch deserves it. omg! i wanna run her over! but i'm afraid she might damage my car!

for my birthday

I want cards. Seriously. I want birthday cards. Actual physical birthday cards. Not ecards. I'm for real. Cards with genuine, heartfelt, handwritten sentiments mean soooooo friggin much to me. I don't know why. They just do. when I get a card with nothing but the senders name scrawled in it...I'm so dissapointed. I wanted a MESSAGE. And not the message American Greetings or Hallmark decided would be good enough to print on 2.5 million cards across the world. I want well fucking wishes from my homies. Seriously. That means more to me than if you stick a 20 in the card and don't write nothing.
Why?
Cuz it shows you give a damn. It shows that there is depth to our relationship. It shows I mean enough to you to jot five or six sentences down letting me know I'm special and important. And I'm conceited and egotistical. I know. We know. But I'm still insecure about my relationships with people because I have been played to the left so many times over the years and I wanna know, that now, I've surrounded myself with genuine articles. Cuz that's my motherfuckin mode. Thats what I'm on. So just so ya know-I want cards. (Money inside is a plus, lol ; ) But just a 99cent card with your FEELINGS inside will do me just fine. More than fine. Fucking beautiful.

At a loss

What do I do, what do I do......

When I first started this whole search for a home thing, I was so motivated-I didn't care where the damn house was-Indiana, Wisconsin, anywhere...and when our loan went thru I kinda slowed down like, whoa.....this thing could actually happen. I could actually be moving out south or even outta state. And I....I got cold feet. I slowed down. Stopped returning phone calls to our L.O. and all the realtors. I called myself being "too busy" but I got scared. I mean, neither me nor Van have very many friends or family. And we certainly don't spend alot of time with either. But....to be so far away...*sigh*.....I just don't know. I know we'll never be able to afford anything we can all fit into in the city, and we're quickly outgrowing where we're at now....but this is my home. I've never been anywhere else. Not even the southside of the city! I don't get out alot and I don't travel. It got to me. And now....well...I have my deposit that locked my interest rate back. Maybe I'll get my balls back sometime soon. Maybe not. We'll see.

DON'T ACT LIKE I NEVER TOLD YA

I KNOW I GOT TO BE RIGHT NOW, CUZ I CAN'T GET MUCH WRONGER


I NEVER WANTED THIS TO BE A COMPETITION.
IT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION TO "STEAL"THEM FROM YOU.
YOU MADE IT THIS WAY.
YOU MADE THIS A CONTEST, WITH THEM AS THE TROPHY.
YOU MADE THIS A RACE, WITH THEM AS THE FINISH LINE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COULD.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COULD PUT THEM IN THAT POSITION.
IT'S FUCKED UP. CUZ THEY ARE FUCKED UP NOW. BEYOND REPAIR. THE SCARS FROM THIS BATTLE WITH STICK WITH THEM FOR A LIFETIME. IT'S TOO LATE TO FIX THEM. HOW COULD YOU?
WHY COULDN'T YOU BE RIGHT? WHY COULDN'T YOU STOP BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE? OVER WHAT? HAIR? NAILS? PICTURES? A TITLE? LOVE? THEY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO LOVE ALL OF US. THEY DO. BUT YOU HAD TO MAKE THEM CHOOSE. IT HAD TO BE IF THEY CALLED SOMEONE ELSE BY A TERM OF AFFECTION AND ENDEARMENT THEN YOU WERE NO LONGER THEIR MOTHER. THAT THEY WOULD BE BETRAYING YOU. WHY MAKE THEM STRESS OVER THAT CHOICE? WHY MAKE IT FEEL LIKE IT'S A CHORE FOR THEM TO SEE THEIR FATHER? WHY MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THEY SHOULDN'T WANT TO? BE HAPPY TO?
WHY MAKE THEM VALUE ONE SIBLING OVER ANOTHER? THEY'RE ALL BLOOD. WE LIVE FOUR BLOCKS AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER-IT WOULD BE NOTHING TO SHARE TIME FAIRLY. BUT WE'RE ALWAYS IMPOSING. ALWAYS ALWAYS ASKING FOR MORE THAN "OUR SHARE" WHY IS OUR FAMILY NOT ENTITLED TO THE SAME TIME????? WHAT JUSTIFICATION DO YOU MAKE FOR THAT? LEAVING THEM WITH SOMEONE ELSE FARTHER AWAY WHEN WE ARE RIGHT THE FUCK HERE? EVERYONE ELSE SAYS YOU'RE CRAZY. TOTALLY PSYCHO. BUT I KNOW-KIDS, YOUR KIDS, CAN MAKE YOU CRAZY. SO I HAVE TRIED MORE THAN ANYONE TO MAKE SOME KIND OF JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR ACTIONS IN MY MIND. AND TO BE UPSET OVER WHEN YOU FEEL YOU'RE BEING SLIGHTED, I CAN UNDERSTAND. BUT TO TELL THEM THE THINGS YOU TELL THEM????? I CAN'T. I REALLY CAN'T. THEY'RE CONFUSED. THEY'RE ACCOMPLISHED LIARS AND FAKES, JUST LIKE YOU. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? FOR THEM TO HAVE TWO FACES TO WEAR AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. IT COULDA BEEN RIGHT. THE OPPORTUNITY PRESENTED ITSELF. BUT YOU NEVER STOPPED USING THEM AS PAWNS. AS BARGAINING CHIPS. AND AS A CLAY TO IMPRESS YOUR HATRED UPON.

I NEED YOU TO HURRY UP NOW
CUZ I CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER
I KNOW I GOT TO BE RIGHT NOW
CUZ I CAN'T GET NO WRONGER
MAN I WAIT ALL LIFE NOW
THATS HOW LONG I BEEN ON YA
AND I CAN'T WAIT NO LONGER

NOWNOWNOW THAT DON'T KILL ME CAN MAKE ME STRONGER.

AND I HAVE GAINED SOOOOOOOO MUCH STRENGTH FROM YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR MAKING THE MISTAKES I'VE LEARNED FROM. YOU SAY WE'RE THE SAME. BUT WE'RE NOT. AT ALL. THE ONLY THING WE HAVE IN COMMON IS "H" WORDS. YOU CALL ME A "HO" AND I CALL YOU "HEIFER". OTHER THAN THAT. I'M BETTER. AND I'M NOT GONNA STOP. IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.

SMARTER. PRETTIER. THINNER. TO SAY THE LEAST.
WORK IT HARDER MAKE IT BETTER
DO IT FASTER MAKE IT STRONGER


HARDER. BETTER. FASTER. STRONGER.


DON'T ACT LIKE I NEVER TOLD YA