lmao is the new lol

monday's. pffffffffffffft.

beau calls all bugs "the forest"

babe. square?

I keep dreaming about my mom. Needing my mom. In my dreams she's sane and sober and she takes care of me. And protects me.....I don't know what to make of it really......

layin here. tryna fall back asleep...but I wanna go smash her FACE SO.BAD. I swear if I knew I'd get an I-bond....i'd go right now.

they are home.

now an hour and 15 minutes late

the bitch is hiding the kids. on their birthday.

beau calls the American flag a "Barack Obama"

mike pulled a tupac.

my friends-send my babies a "happy birthday" text and make them feel special and important! 470/8845(j) and 524/0064(nina)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SATURNINA DANIELLE & JESSIE TERRELLE!!

whoops. last post turned into a microblog....to be found at blogger. so sorry.

I'm sitting here realizing I'll never have MY four. Gramdawg had four. my ma had four. but there's four here already and one more would just be too much. and it's just now hitting me. in the heat and noise of the house. in the sorry state of things and the recession. she's already taken so much from me and now she takes my four. she takes my legacy. those two are mine-but they're not. I'll always have to share them and I'll always be extra. I'll always be a spare. I'll always be "ommy"(Other Mommy) rather than just plain mommy. I WANT MY FOUR. and to have MY Two BONUS BABIES. they should be MY EXTRA. instead I'm tapped and because of them....the next two can't come. it's too much. and it would be so selfish to ignore that.

is sad. and not because of mj. and def. not bcuz of farrah.

it's just been an off fuckin day....what else can you say?

is so THIRSTY on this thursday for FRIDAY!

the twins will be ELEVEN tomorrow! Holy $%*&!

hope the heat keeps the vets away again today

fuck pat quinn. illinois' unemployment is at a staggering 10%. so he cuts funding to social services. I GOTSTA GET OUTTA THIS STATE!

I'm PISSED....O SO PISSED

100 degrees?!?!?!?!?! Seriously!?

I think, perhaps, it is my way of externalizing the pain I have lived in my time here...of showing the world that which I could never speak.

(is it weird) I love every EVERY wound I get. every scratch, every burn, every cut, every bruise. I have never been appalled or disgusted by them. they have never contributed to my low self-image. if tattoos held any great interest for me....I would have one by now...but I love a new scar. my skin, my body, unblemished? who would that person be? I wouldn't know her...

I hate mondays.

whew. he just does SO MUCH. I'll be glad when his day off is over. I can't do it all myself.

I don't know a man who'd say "good-morning-head" is not an awesome Father's Day gift.

ready for sleepytown

who has two thumbs and is sexxxy?

who's sexy?

excited about taking my favorite "daddy" out this evening

heifer called jessie yesterday to ask if she was still mad at her......jessie's response, "Yup".

I love my dreams.

so close to FREEDOM!!!

I scoff at polished, cultured, practiced "Perfect". Raw, wild, natural, carnal, primal, free..........that's what catches my attention. That's effin AWEsome.

You're damn right there is. How am I the whore? You're the one who was fucking around on her husband. AND who got caught up doing it. AND got tricked off on by her own cousin. But ANYway...that's not the point. You couldn't find the point so you just started hurling insults. The point is-you're being a selfish asshole for absolutely no reason. You're not thinking of your kid-you're thinking of youself. And how you're gonna look. And how you have to throw around what little power you have left after we took it all from you in court. JOINT LEGAL custody's a bitch, ain't it? So you go ahead. Sit on your horse and relish the power you have over a ten year old girl that's sobbing in my lap right now. Who's heart is fucking BROKEN. BECAUSE OF YOU. Who do you think your hurting here? Seriously? And fuck it all. I'd rather be a whore than a horrible mother and a disgusting person.....lucky you....you get to be all three.

so really, really ready to start this weekend thing...

who wants to accompany the fam to the fest tomorrow? don't be scurrd. we do this.

this is beer weather. just sayin.

heifas call me black&decka I don't screw dem hos I drill

Ask

Almost any "real" writer......and they'll tell you.....if they wrote when they "wanted" to write......they NEVER would.
Why? All other creative professionals LOVE what they do, can't help but *want* to compulsively do it......singers....actors.....artists....musicians....but not a writer. Being able to write skillfully and creatively and compellingly is such a gift. It is so rare. So few people realize how rare. Writing is not spelling, grammar, punctuation and imagination. It's hard....sososo very hard to convey situations and emotions and atmosphere through black words on off-white paper. I almost want to scrap this post entirely. Why? Because........it's not good enough and the thought and effort it requires to make this post readable(imo) is just too much.
*sigh*Well the point is. I'm not blogging. And it has nothing to do with having nothing to say.....it's about the effort required to say it. So much is going on. I actually think I'm having a mini-nervous breakdown. Not just think......I'm fairly certain. And what better place to explore how my life has conspired against me than here. In my safe place. My blog. Free from judgmental friends and hubby and heifers and nosy nere-do-wells.......but I just can't pull this cork and let it out. Because it requires far too much effort on my part.....to think.....to write....and at this point...holding my head up and keeping my eyes open is sapping all of my strength.