Life is a beautiful struggle...I wouldn't change a thing.....This how I see it.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

How To Deal With Superwoman

I'm posting this b/c the "how to get along with me" part is so ridiculously accurate it's kinda freaky and I want everyone to know how to deal with the mess that is me.













the Questioner

Test finished!

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX.


"I am affectionate and skeptical"



Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family,
friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved
and timid to outspoken and confrontative.



How to Get Along with Me




  • Be direct and clear.


  • Listen to me carefully.


  • Don't judge me for my anxiety.


  • Work things through with me.


  • Reassure me that everything is OK between us.


  • Laugh and make jokes with me.


  • Gently push me toward new experiences.


  • Try not to overreact to my overreacting.



What I Like About Being a Six




  • being committed and faithful to family and friends


  • being responsible and hardworking


  • being compassionate toward others


  • having intellect and wit


  • being a nonconformist


  • confronting danger bravely


  • being direct and assertive



What's Hard About Being a Six




  • the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind


  • procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence
    in myself


  • fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of


  • exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger


  • wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right


  • being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations



Sixes as Children Often





  • are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and
    stubborn


  • are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger


  • form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent


  • look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority
    and rebel


  • are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families,
    and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent




Sixes as Parents




  • are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty


  • are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence


  • worry more than most that their children will get hurt


  • sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries






Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy

Discover the 9 Types of People

HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages




You are not completely happy with the result?!

You chose CY


Would you rather have chosen:

  • AY (EIGHT)
  • BY (FOUR)
  • CX (TWO)
  • CZ (ONE)

















  • My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
    free online datingfree online dating
    You scored higher than 0


    Enneagram Type 6 - The Loyalist

    Conflicted between trust and distrust

    Enneagram type 6 - The LoyalistPeople of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. This anxiety has a very deep source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making Sixes somewhat difficult to describe and to type. What all Sixes have in common however, is the fear rooted at the center of their personality, which manifests in worrying, and restless imaginings of everything that might go wrong. This tendency makes Sixes gifted at trouble shooting, but also robs the Six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive the personality of spontaneity. The essential anxiety at the core of the type Six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of "defensive suspiciousness." Sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. The loyalty of the Six is something of a two edged sword however, as Sixes are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even long after it is time to move on.

    Sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in. This, combined with their general suspiciousness, gives rise to a complicated relationship to authority. The side of the Six which is looking for something to believe in, is often very susceptible to the temptation to turn authority over to an external source, whether it be in the form of an individual or a creed. But the Six's tendency towards distrust and suspicion works against any sort of faith in authority. Thus, two opposite pulls exist side by side in the personality of enneatype Six, and assume different proportions in different individuals, sometimes alternating within the same individual.

    The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counterphobic, essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare devil attitude towards physical danger. Counterphobic Sixes can be agressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanor. Counterphobic Sixes are often unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to contrast it.

    Because Sixes so frequently fail to appreciate the extent of their own fear, they often mistype themselves. It is common for instance, for female Sixes to mistype as Twos, especially if they are identified with a helper role, but Sixes have a much more ambivalent attitude towards relationships than do Twos, who generally know exactly what they want. Sixes, failing to recognize their anxiety, can mistype as Nines, but Nines have the ability to relax and to trust in others, neither of which come easily to Sixes. Sixes can mistype as Fours, especially if they have artistic inclinations, but they lack the Four's self-absorption. They can mistype as Fives, especially if they are intellectual, as many Sixes are, but unlike Fives, Sixes tend to be practical. Finally, conterphobic Sixes can easily mistype as Eights, but they lack the Eight's self-certainty.

    Sunday, February 19, 2006

    Verlander

    I've been in love with Verlander since I was 16. Who knew that a trip to the toy store to get a a skateboard for my little brothers 10th birthday would have ended 5 years later with me being a single mother and heartbroken...
    I don't remember very much for our first relationship....I remember he was with me when I got caught at Tony's stealing liquor for my 17th birthday...lol. And that he showed up like 5 hours late for my lakefront birthday party. He stayed for 20 minutes and left. And I was so mad that when I went home with Jennifer that night I smoked up and ate her out for hours...The following week I took him to see "Signs" and told him about what I did with Jennifer while we stood in line. He didn't say anything until the next day-I called him and he broke up with me.
    Time passes...there's someone else. I love him (I think) he loves me (yeah right)...we relish doing bad things together...till one day the bad things get us caught up and he's gone and I'm alone...I grieve and I mourn and one day Verlnder's in my life again. He's cheating on his girlfriend cuz I'm a better lay....I'm cheating on my boyfriend cuz he's in jail and I hate to be alone...and because I'm still in love with this man, eleven years my senior, who would sooner chop his arm off than admit he cares about a woman. He's a total asshole...but I love him anyway...I act like I don't want him-cuz he acts like he doesn't want me...but everytime I escape the confines of Job Corps I make my cousin drive past his house...or I take a bus route that lets me walk thru there...yes, I am obsessive. We drink together. Motel-hop here and there so he doesn't get caught up...but strange as it seems we rarely have sex. It's more about the intimacy of the conversation.
    I'm 18 now and christmas is right around the corner. Everyone is packing their shit and heading home to be with family. Not I. No sir. I am hardly welcome in my fathers house. Not this high school dropout. Juvenile delinquent. Bitch. Verlander drops me off from his house. This a rare treat since he mostly acts as if he could care less whether I come or go. I take the long walk up to my dorm. Lay down and my bed and text him "I don't want to be here." and miracle of miracles he actually turns around and comes back for me. I pack my stuff. And I spend my christmas vacation with him. His girlfriend calls him and dumps him the exact same day as I get a letter from my jailhouse boyfriend cutting me loose. And on December 23 we sit down and decide what to do with ourselves...because I'm carrying his baby. We decide we should do it together. He does so out of responsibility. He has two kids already and cares for them greatly. He will always take are of his responsibilties....I decide to stick with him because I have loved him since that day in the toy store...
    "...excuse me miss, can I help you find something?..."

    My pregnancy is crazy. I hate him sometimes. We crash at his friends house for a while, till I graduate from job corps, but it soon gets too crowded. We end up squatting in a basement. Sleeping on a twin boxspring covered in cardboard. Eating once a day-if that. It's hard. Everynight before we sleep I tell the man I love him. He usually says " I know."
    He finally tells me as I am pushing his child into the world, he's holding me and he tells me, finally, that he loves me, too.

    Family life is crazy but great. We make love in every room of our new house, even the hallway. I give him head in the outer stairwell. Crazy in love. We are best friends, so we rarely leave home without each other. If he goes out drinking "wit da guys" I come too...cuz I can hang...and after the drinks have taken their toll we end up going all out...I still remember staring up at the stars as he fucked me in Humbolt Park. "This is my man", I told them.

    Now he's gone... and all i'm left with is memories...enough to fill a million of these fucking blogs.
    I've seen other people. Kissed a few, yes, it's true-I admit to it. But I can't see giving my body to another man. 1rst of all-that would be the ultimate betrayal-to have another man fill his place in my body. 2nd because I don't believe in casual sex. It's not right. And I have never given my body to man I didn't love(even if they didn't love me back) and how can i love anyone else that much...while my heart is still so full of him. It's nuts and it sucks cuz I'm horny as hell, ya know. I am a sexual being. It's how I express myself...but you can do something you KNOW isn't right...not by anyone elses standards...but by your own...no, I'm too stubborn and proud for that. I don't compromise. and b/c 3rd..like I said, he's my best friend and I DO tell him everything. I don't want to tell him anything to hurt him anymore than he already is. I don't want to lose the man, that at 16 I pointed at and said to my little brother "You see that guy? I'm gonna marry him one day." And I don't want to go to hell.









    But fuck, man...3 years is a long fucking time.....

    Tuesday, February 14, 2006

    A Love Letter To MY Valentine

    Happy Valentines Day to one and all...whether you got one or not....
    Trini is my Valentine this year....and she gets all the chocolate she can eat.
    She's been riding thru these rough times with me whether I wanted her there or not and she deserves all my love today.

    Thank You for being the reason mommy can never give up. I love you more than I can express to you. I'm so sorry your daddy isn't here to give you all the love you deserve. And I know that you'll never be able to read this, but my love for you is so big I have to pour it out to everyone...so maybe they'll see how absolutely amazing and wonderful you are...and how little I deserve an unconditional love like yours. You are my LIFE Trinity Nerea T....and today I celebrate and cherish you...not just the love of my life...but my very life itself.


    God...thank you for her.