Fabolousnessisty

So the girls got their hair done by their cousins stepmom-aka the awesome CARA. They looked so cute! And they loved it SO MUCH!

I think they look AMAZING. And so did they. They couldn't stop cheesing. So-of course the bm(no not "baby momma" it stand for "birth mother"-bear with me homies) had to have a problem with it. But you know what-WHATTHEFUCKEVER! cuz man-those kids LOVED it! THEY LOVED IT! Jessie just loved someone touching her hair in such a gentle fashion. She kept saying "wow-that feels so good!" iI am so happy for them and we all had such an awesome time today. I LOURVE MAH BABIES!!!!!

There is only one pretty child in the world. And every mother has it.

I don't brag about my daughter enough. I mean-she's a toddler-the only shit she does right now is BADASS shit.....so all the cute shit gets overlooked....but she is really cute. She thinks she's so grown. She grabs you and says "c'mon" and takes you where she wants to go to do what she wants to do. Some mornings she lays between me and Van on the bed and she moves her head back and forth, back and forth, giving us each a kiss over and over untill she gets dizzy.
When I cry she comes t me and goes "wha HAPPY?!?!?"(what happened?) and "ok, ok?" and "i know." and she pats your arm or back or face.
She's my little attack beast-on my command she will run up to ANYONE(even daddy) and hit them and say "NO!NO!" 'TOP-E!"(stop it) "TUH-AP"(shut up)
And now she says "I love you." clear as a bell.
People say I'm crazy for having another baby right now....but....kids give you this......feeling......it's like a drug. It's so.....AMAZING and REAL and it is just SO. It can't be described.
Some would look at this as a platform to jump off of and say "SEE! SHE ONLY HAS REAL LOVE FOR HER OWN DAUGHTER!"
This is not the case. I just happen to be exploring my love for Trin in this specific entry. Most people don't believe I could possibly love those girls as much as I love my "own" offspring or even that it's unfair to Trin if I do......
Believe what you'd like. I love ALL OF MY KIDS. AND THEY ARE MINE. THEY ARE A PART OF MY LIFE, MY HEART, MY FAMILY. I am not simply watching these kids grow up-I AM GROWING THEM UP. There are pieces of me inside them, maybe not gentically, but parts of me, nonetheless. Things that I have taught them, or showed them, or just random things that they saw and admired and aspired to imitate.
There is nothing I would do for my own daughter that I would not do for them. Absolutely nothing. They are the same in my heart. All of them. I feel the same responsibility toward them. The same crazy, upsidedown world unconditional love. Because they came from somebody elses womb is meaningless. If that actually mattered when it came to love adoption would be a wholly unsuccessful and unfulfilling endeavor. But it's not.


Are my words resonating yet?


I love ALL my kids. SATURNINA D. JESSIE T. & TRINITY N.(AND BABY T) None are any more or less special than ANY of the others. They all matter. They are all important to me. They are all truely, madly, and deeply loved by me. And I will make sure they all ALWAYS KNOW IT.
ALWAYS.

A Love Letter To MY Valentine

Happy Valentines Day to one and all...whether you got one or not....
Trini is my Valentine this year....and she gets all the chocolate she can eat.
She's been riding thru these rough times with me whether I wanted her there or not and she deserves all my love today.

Thank You for being the reason mommy can never give up. I love you more than I can express to you. I'm so sorry your daddy isn't here to give you all the love you deserve. And I know that you'll never be able to read this, but my love for you is so big I have to pour it out to everyone...so maybe they'll see how absolutely amazing and wonderful you are...and how little I deserve an unconditional love like yours. You are my LIFE Trinity Nerea T....and today I celebrate and cherish you...not just the love of my life...but my very life itself.

God...thank you for her.