Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Ask
Almost any "real" writer......and they'll tell you.....if they wrote when they "wanted" to write......they NEVER would.
Why? All other creative professionals LOVE what they do, can't help but *want* to compulsively do it......singers....actors.....artists....musicians....but not a writer. Being able to write skillfully and creatively and compellingly is such a gift. It is so rare. So few people realize how rare. Writing is not spelling, grammar, punctuation and imagination. It's hard....sososo very hard to convey situations and emotions and atmosphere through black words on off-white paper. I almost want to scrap this post entirely. Why? Because........it's not good enough and the thought and effort it requires to make this post readable(imo) is just too much.
*sigh*Well the point is. I'm not blogging. And it has nothing to do with having nothing to say.....it's about the effort required to say it. So much is going on. I actually think I'm having a mini-nervous breakdown. Not just think......I'm fairly certain. And what better place to explore how my life has conspired against me than here. In my safe place. My blog. Free from judgmental friends and hubby and heifers and nosy nere-do-wells.......but I just can't pull this cork and let it out. Because it requires far too much effort on my part.....to think.....to write....and at this point...holding my head up and keeping my eyes open is sapping all of my strength.
Why? All other creative professionals LOVE what they do, can't help but *want* to compulsively do it......singers....actors.....artists....musicians....but not a writer. Being able to write skillfully and creatively and compellingly is such a gift. It is so rare. So few people realize how rare. Writing is not spelling, grammar, punctuation and imagination. It's hard....sososo very hard to convey situations and emotions and atmosphere through black words on off-white paper. I almost want to scrap this post entirely. Why? Because........it's not good enough and the thought and effort it requires to make this post readable(imo) is just too much.
*sigh*Well the point is. I'm not blogging. And it has nothing to do with having nothing to say.....it's about the effort required to say it. So much is going on. I actually think I'm having a mini-nervous breakdown. Not just think......I'm fairly certain. And what better place to explore how my life has conspired against me than here. In my safe place. My blog. Free from judgmental friends and hubby and heifers and nosy nere-do-wells.......but I just can't pull this cork and let it out. Because it requires far too much effort on my part.....to think.....to write....and at this point...holding my head up and keeping my eyes open is sapping all of my strength.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??????????
husband laid off. has multiple felony convictions. cannot get good work. four kids. two under 5. two ungrateful step kids w/ crazy, corrupting mother. family, does not help. does not care. more trouble than dealing with them is worth. crazy responsibilities and unrealistic expectations placed upon me at work. never work a week of only 40 hours. binge drink. binge eat. weight problem. family history of alcoholism. depression. mania. add. bi-polar disorder. schizophrenia. diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder with sociopathic tendencies at 17. Not yet 24 years old and cannot cry out for help. to many people judging.people have been watching me keep these balls in the air for years. waiting for me to drop one. waiting for one flaw. one crack. so they can exploit it. i tell everyone i'm not perfect. all the time. nobody believes me. ever. they have to see it. have to watch me fall face first into a pile of my own shit. i'm tired of keeping up appearances. is it really worth it? somebody help me. please.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Hunger
Wow. It's been less than a month since I discovered the wonderful world of blogspot (and wordpress, and whatever, yadda). Since I discovered all the other stepmoms sharing their lives in this kind of public diary format.....I have devoured every post they've ever written no matter how many years they go back. At home, at work, in bed at night on my sk/lx reading....reading.....reading. Relating to the anger, dismay, and elation. Laughing at times and tearing up at others. I am so deeply invested now in the lives of the women whos blogs I follow. I have my favorties, some people are just more naturally talented at writing, their storytelling engages you more easily....but I love them all. I can't wait to find out what happens next....I devour their every word...and my hunger is still not satiated. Keep writing ladies. For me. And all the other women that laugh and cry with you.
Outrageous Injustice in Paternity Fraud Case
In the article below Tulsa World reporter Jarrel Wade details the way the Oklahoma child support system has ruined the life of Brande Samuels. I discussed the problem of men being "defaulted" into fatherhood in my co-authored column New American Bar Association Article Points to Crisis in False Paternity Judgments (Baltimore Sun, 8/20/06).
One interesting note--in a sidebar to the story, the paper reported that within a year "there were 3,127 paternity tests conducted in DHS cases. Of those, 781 of the alleged fathers were found not to be the genetic father." For those counting, that's a 25% false rate.
From Child support law leaves man a default dad (Tulsa World, 10/13/2008):
Convicted and incarcerated for possession of drugs in 2002, Brande Samuels made a deal.
He promised himself and his family that when he left his prison cell, he would work hard to build a stable and positive life.
After two years in prison, he was released early on good behavior and worked for less than minimum wage while he trained to become a welder.
But that's when he first got notice from the Oklahoma Department of Human Services' Child Support Enforcement Division that he owed child support, he said.
Now, Samuels owes about $13,000 in back child support, he lives with his ailing grandfather and DHS seizes portions of his wages every month.
"The last four years have been the worst in my life," Samuels said about life since leaving prison in 2004. "I went into so much debt."
Samuels said under other circumstances he would take full responsibility for the child as a father should.
But he is not the father.
Samuels was aware of the possibility that he might be the father during the pregnancy, he said. But the mother had been in another relationship at the same time.
"She wouldn't even allow me to sign the birth certificate," he said.
Two months later, the mother — Nadia Smith — put his name down as the father when she filed for child support, which Samuels wouldn't learn about until after his Oklahoma prison sentence, he said.
"They make (the mother) give up a name for the potential father. If she doesn't give up a name, then she can't get any assistance," Samuels said about the process to receive child support.
Jeff Wagner, spokesman for DHS, said when a mother is opening a child support case, she names the alleged father and provides "a great deal of information" in the Mother's Affidavit of Paternity.
In 2004, when Samuels left prison and learned of his obligation to DHS, case workers told Samuels if he wanted to fight the original order and get a hearing, he needed a lawyer, he said.
"I just want to be heard," he said. "The court was made for justice. It was made to help make the right decision."
Samuels did not have enough money to pay a lawyer, and no one would take his case for free, so in 2006, he approached Neighbor for Neighbor, a Tulsa nonprofit organization. They helped him prepare papers to require the mother to provide the child for a DNA test.
He found out then that the mother had left the state and had to be tracked down. She had left Oklahoma for Texas, Texas for Iowa, and then Iowa for Mississippi between 2004 and 2007, he said.
Neighbor for Neighbor helped Samuels track her through the courts and filed court papers seeking a DNA test from the child in March 2007, according to court records.
Two months later, Samuels received DNA evidence that the child support had been based on a false assumption. He was not the father — 0.00 percent chance.
"I was hurt. I was actually hurt because they put me through all this stuff without the child even being mine," he said.
After his three years of work, he believed he would be forgiven all his debt for the child, he said.
But it wasn't forgiven, and according to Oklahoma law, it won't be forgiven.
In child support cases, the burden of proof is on the alleged father — the accused — according to Oklahoma statutes.
An alleged father must appear at a child support hearing to request a paternity test. If he does not appear, he is legally designated as the father and child support is established in most cases.
Once designated as the father, that person is financially responsible for the child until he or she is 18 or adopted with a few stipulations for petitions which may vacate the original order, according to Oklahoma statutes.
DHS records show that Samuels was served papers to appear for his child support hearing in 2001, but Samuels said he was working in Texas at the time and could not have received the notice.
Wagner said by Oklahoma law someone can be legally served if the subpoena is put into the hands of someone 15 or older who lives at the same residence as the person.
But Samuels said the documents never touched his hands.
Regardless of the outcome of the DNA test, which Samuels spent three years trying to get, it was already too late.
Samuels was ruled the default father in 2001, and legally, DNA has no bearing.
"If you got me on default, you should still have to prove that I'm the father," he said.
This is the second recent story in the media of a default father being forced to pay child support in a bureaucratic nightmare with DHS.
The first, reported by The Oklahoman, was about Micheal Thomas of Tulsa, who had shown that he had never even met the mother and that he had DNA evidence that showed he wasn't the father. Still, he became a default father after missing his initial court hearing.
DHS does not keep statistics on the number of established fathers or default fathers who are not genetically related to the child they are responsible for, Wagner said.
In the eyes of the law and DHS, once paternity is established, there is no difference.
DHS officials would not comment on whether any changes have been made in establishing paternity since the Micheal Thomas case was reported.
I suggest readers thank reporter Jarrel Wade for reporting on the story by clicking here.
We previously covered the Michael Thomas story at CS Enforcement Erroneously Badgers College Athlete, He Forfeits Scholarship & Drops Out. Thanks to several readers for sending the story.
One interesting note--in a sidebar to the story, the paper reported that within a year "there were 3,127 paternity tests conducted in DHS cases. Of those, 781 of the alleged fathers were found not to be the genetic father." For those counting, that's a 25% false rate.
From Child support law leaves man a default dad (Tulsa World, 10/13/2008):
Convicted and incarcerated for possession of drugs in 2002, Brande Samuels made a deal.
He promised himself and his family that when he left his prison cell, he would work hard to build a stable and positive life.
After two years in prison, he was released early on good behavior and worked for less than minimum wage while he trained to become a welder.
But that's when he first got notice from the Oklahoma Department of Human Services' Child Support Enforcement Division that he owed child support, he said.
Now, Samuels owes about $13,000 in back child support, he lives with his ailing grandfather and DHS seizes portions of his wages every month.
"The last four years have been the worst in my life," Samuels said about life since leaving prison in 2004. "I went into so much debt."
Samuels said under other circumstances he would take full responsibility for the child as a father should.
But he is not the father.
Samuels was aware of the possibility that he might be the father during the pregnancy, he said. But the mother had been in another relationship at the same time.
"She wouldn't even allow me to sign the birth certificate," he said.
Two months later, the mother — Nadia Smith — put his name down as the father when she filed for child support, which Samuels wouldn't learn about until after his Oklahoma prison sentence, he said.
"They make (the mother) give up a name for the potential father. If she doesn't give up a name, then she can't get any assistance," Samuels said about the process to receive child support.
Jeff Wagner, spokesman for DHS, said when a mother is opening a child support case, she names the alleged father and provides "a great deal of information" in the Mother's Affidavit of Paternity.
In 2004, when Samuels left prison and learned of his obligation to DHS, case workers told Samuels if he wanted to fight the original order and get a hearing, he needed a lawyer, he said.
"I just want to be heard," he said. "The court was made for justice. It was made to help make the right decision."
Samuels did not have enough money to pay a lawyer, and no one would take his case for free, so in 2006, he approached Neighbor for Neighbor, a Tulsa nonprofit organization. They helped him prepare papers to require the mother to provide the child for a DNA test.
He found out then that the mother had left the state and had to be tracked down. She had left Oklahoma for Texas, Texas for Iowa, and then Iowa for Mississippi between 2004 and 2007, he said.
Neighbor for Neighbor helped Samuels track her through the courts and filed court papers seeking a DNA test from the child in March 2007, according to court records.
Two months later, Samuels received DNA evidence that the child support had been based on a false assumption. He was not the father — 0.00 percent chance.
"I was hurt. I was actually hurt because they put me through all this stuff without the child even being mine," he said.
After his three years of work, he believed he would be forgiven all his debt for the child, he said.
But it wasn't forgiven, and according to Oklahoma law, it won't be forgiven.
In child support cases, the burden of proof is on the alleged father — the accused — according to Oklahoma statutes.
An alleged father must appear at a child support hearing to request a paternity test. If he does not appear, he is legally designated as the father and child support is established in most cases.
Once designated as the father, that person is financially responsible for the child until he or she is 18 or adopted with a few stipulations for petitions which may vacate the original order, according to Oklahoma statutes.
DHS records show that Samuels was served papers to appear for his child support hearing in 2001, but Samuels said he was working in Texas at the time and could not have received the notice.
Wagner said by Oklahoma law someone can be legally served if the subpoena is put into the hands of someone 15 or older who lives at the same residence as the person.
But Samuels said the documents never touched his hands.
Regardless of the outcome of the DNA test, which Samuels spent three years trying to get, it was already too late.
Samuels was ruled the default father in 2001, and legally, DNA has no bearing.
"If you got me on default, you should still have to prove that I'm the father," he said.
This is the second recent story in the media of a default father being forced to pay child support in a bureaucratic nightmare with DHS.
The first, reported by The Oklahoman, was about Micheal Thomas of Tulsa, who had shown that he had never even met the mother and that he had DNA evidence that showed he wasn't the father. Still, he became a default father after missing his initial court hearing.
DHS does not keep statistics on the number of established fathers or default fathers who are not genetically related to the child they are responsible for, Wagner said.
In the eyes of the law and DHS, once paternity is established, there is no difference.
DHS officials would not comment on whether any changes have been made in establishing paternity since the Micheal Thomas case was reported.
I suggest readers thank reporter Jarrel Wade for reporting on the story by clicking here.
We previously covered the Michael Thomas story at CS Enforcement Erroneously Badgers College Athlete, He Forfeits Scholarship & Drops Out. Thanks to several readers for sending the story.
Monday, September 29, 2008
And MY step brats say they hate me when I take their cell phones......
“Wicked Stepmother” Given a Sorry Sentence
What’s the going rate these days for forcing your stepkids to gorge, and then digest their own puke? Two to six years, according to the state of West Virginia. Venus Critchfield was sentenced today for abuse that occurred in 2001 and 2002, but that allegedly dates back to 1997. Critchfield’s husband, Jennings Brian Critchfield, is already serving up to 15 years on abuse charges. Besides the vomit allegations, Critchfield was also cited for beating her stepchildren’s feet with boards and dangling them from ropes and hooks.
Is it just me, or does this sentence seem rather light for such abominable treatment? Given the way Judge Alan D. Moats verbally tore her apart, I’m sure he was just sentencing within the guidelines. But, still. This woman shouldn’t see the light of day for at least five years. Minimum.
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Stepmother Admits Sending Hate Email to Stepdaughter
“You’re disgusting, everybody at school hates you.” Sounds like the typical ugliness you’d read in a note written by a middle-schooler, or on Bill O’Reilly’s Web site, huh? But no! The Jerusalem 10-year-old who received such messages has her own newly-minted stepmother to thank for this vitriol. Stepmommy Dearest also admitted to trying to slip a physical note to her new daughter through another girl at school; the girl, apparently realizing that the mother was a few tire skids short of Susan Smith, refused.
Any bets on how long this marriage will last?
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Dad and Stepmother Charged with Beating Child to within Inches of Life
A hot tipper sent along a story about two parents who make Brandon Alan Austill, the dad who cattle-prodded his own baby, look like a canonized saint. Terry and Chandy Indula’s 3-year-old daughter is close to death after being tortured by the dad and stepmom for months on end. Authorities in Modesto, California say that there wasn’t an inch of the girl not covered in blisters, and that her body temp when they found her was 79 degrees. The last official word is that the girl may survive, but with permanent brain damage.
The Indulas - he a real estate broker, she a stay-at-home abuser er, “mother” - have admitted to the abuse. Their other kids have been taken into state custody; some of them show signs of abuse as well.
It’s sickening to think that people like this can be living in your neighborhood, yet neither you nor anyone else ever catch on that behind those four walls lies a torture pit. Such so-called parents spend more time hiding their crimes from the community than caring for their kids. Look at that cold, dead look in Chandy Indula’s eyes. Did these people ever care for their kids? Were they halfway-decent parents who, one day, just snapped? Doubt it. There was undoubtedly some bizarre strain of “abuser attraction” that brought these two together. They better pray that their little girl lives. Not for her sake, of course; these creatures are probably incapable of such selfless emotion. No, they better pray for some medical miracles if they don’t want their asses to have a date with California’s electric chair.
************************************************************************************
What’s the going rate these days for forcing your stepkids to gorge, and then digest their own puke? Two to six years, according to the state of West Virginia. Venus Critchfield was sentenced today for abuse that occurred in 2001 and 2002, but that allegedly dates back to 1997. Critchfield’s husband, Jennings Brian Critchfield, is already serving up to 15 years on abuse charges. Besides the vomit allegations, Critchfield was also cited for beating her stepchildren’s feet with boards and dangling them from ropes and hooks.
Is it just me, or does this sentence seem rather light for such abominable treatment? Given the way Judge Alan D. Moats verbally tore her apart, I’m sure he was just sentencing within the guidelines. But, still. This woman shouldn’t see the light of day for at least five years. Minimum.
*************************************************************************************
Stepmother Admits Sending Hate Email to Stepdaughter
“You’re disgusting, everybody at school hates you.” Sounds like the typical ugliness you’d read in a note written by a middle-schooler, or on Bill O’Reilly’s Web site, huh? But no! The Jerusalem 10-year-old who received such messages has her own newly-minted stepmother to thank for this vitriol. Stepmommy Dearest also admitted to trying to slip a physical note to her new daughter through another girl at school; the girl, apparently realizing that the mother was a few tire skids short of Susan Smith, refused.
Any bets on how long this marriage will last?
*************************************************************************************
Dad and Stepmother Charged with Beating Child to within Inches of Life
A hot tipper sent along a story about two parents who make Brandon Alan Austill, the dad who cattle-prodded his own baby, look like a canonized saint. Terry and Chandy Indula’s 3-year-old daughter is close to death after being tortured by the dad and stepmom for months on end. Authorities in Modesto, California say that there wasn’t an inch of the girl not covered in blisters, and that her body temp when they found her was 79 degrees. The last official word is that the girl may survive, but with permanent brain damage.
The Indulas - he a real estate broker, she a stay-at-home abuser er, “mother” - have admitted to the abuse. Their other kids have been taken into state custody; some of them show signs of abuse as well.
It’s sickening to think that people like this can be living in your neighborhood, yet neither you nor anyone else ever catch on that behind those four walls lies a torture pit. Such so-called parents spend more time hiding their crimes from the community than caring for their kids. Look at that cold, dead look in Chandy Indula’s eyes. Did these people ever care for their kids? Were they halfway-decent parents who, one day, just snapped? Doubt it. There was undoubtedly some bizarre strain of “abuser attraction” that brought these two together. They better pray that their little girl lives. Not for her sake, of course; these creatures are probably incapable of such selfless emotion. No, they better pray for some medical miracles if they don’t want their asses to have a date with California’s electric chair.
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