Numb

I am. It's just too freakin much. Nothing i ever do is right. I am forever being "selfish" and "evil". Any alteration I make to life is a platform for him to jump on me. ok, maybe I'm not totally numb. I'm hurt. I'm really fucking hurt. But i'm numb enough to his complaints to say "That's enough."
This isn't about me. And if it is and I make him so unhappy he should LEAVE. Go-PLEASE-find somebody that will "help" you. Find somebody that lifts you up instead of "bringing you down." Find somebody that will make you happy and who will really "act like your best friend". Please, Please, Please do. Cuz I'm tried of being the bad guy. I'm tired of everything I do and all the pieces that make up myself being criticized and abhorred instead of adored and supported. I'm tired of being happy and thinking that everything is great and he is wonderful and coming to find out "nothing is ok between us" and he thinks I'm a horrible person.
I just spent hundreds of dollars of clothes and the trip and food and other crap for the girls-but my opinion about them is never valid because they're not my "flesh and blood".
And I promise never to bring up marriage again. It's not worth it. We have too many issues. Why should I care whether or not the have health insurance? Why should it matter to me that he needs this for court??? That's not a factor. I'm too "selfish" to think that way.
oh, god. I'm babbling. But i'm really not afraid of being alone anymore. if he's so damn unhappy-he can go.I'm that tired of being hurt. And I love those kids and I don't want them to be hurt anymore than they have in the past.....but I can't do this. It's killing me inside. He needs to go. He has to go. Till whatever is broken inside of him is fixed and he doesn't feel the need to hurt me anymore.
I will be fine. I will be better than fine.
Thats three people I will no longer be responsible for supporting.
And a lot less worrying.
a lot less pain.
Why does it have to be this way???
WTF HAPPENED HERE?!?!?