Daddy

The paramedics came and took him back in at five this morning. Your prayers are welcome.

PHOTOS From Turtles Bday(but the links are broken now that ringos gone)

Here are some pix from the Trin's BDay!

The Cake-Trin kept calling it a "cookie" b/c it had cookies on top. She kept saying "Wan cookie!"

She was embarrased b/c we were singing to her....

Amber is FRICKIN retarded!


Trin got mad becuz daddy pushed her face in the cake!

but quickly cheered up becuz....well-it's cake-and she's a fatty!

WIRED ON SUGAR! "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! MOMMY!"

Doesn't my Nina look so grown in this picture?!?! My GOD!

'Ren said she wasn't going to eat unless she had a PINK fork........

I LOVE my baby's expression right here!

"YAAAAAAAY!"

"Next present mom!"

I love her expression here too-she's so EXCITED! But-just had to be giving the "mom look" to one of the kids! dammit! I KILLED it!

Shoes that her adoring sisters picked out for her(ahem-I "helped")

THE SPREAD! And this is Trin's excitement level on TEN!

I Was Scared

Very few people knew about this, but my daddy has been in the hospital. He went in Tuesday evening cuz he couldn't breathe. His blood pressure turned out to be two-forty-something over two-twenty-something. He was in kidney failure. All of his other organs are damadged from the severity and duration of the high blood pressure. His lungs were full of fluid. He was in ICU-but he has improved and cleared the fluid from his lungs so they've moved him out of there.

I. Was. So. Scared.
I spent a large part of my life hating my father, because of his cruelty.....he rage....his beatings. For a while I prayed for his death.
But I got out. I got away-and he can't hurt me anymore-physically.....and emotionally he's got little on me-cuz I know now that I'm not a piece of shit. I'm worth a tremendous amount......to my kids and my husband-and thats enough for me.
So I was terrified of losing my daddy. Because he's the only one I have left. I lost my mom a long time ago-sure thats the body that holds the womb that carried my fetal self......but upstairs-I have no idea who that person is. My dad has always been consistently the same person. He's a little less mean these days-but he's still the dad I've always known. And I'm not prepared to lose that. He's the one I get my looks from, my size as well. And he's the one I get my personality from. And I don't know anyone thats quite like him or me. I am not ready to lose where I came from.
He may not be perfect-but he's my dad. He's the only one I've got. And as much as he may have hated me from time to time-I'm still his favorite.
And I'm glad he's ok.

No Excuses

Am I cranky because I'm pregnant?



....yes
However.
I am NOT an intolerant bitch because I'm pregnant.
I am an intolerant bitch because that is my NATURE.
I don't need for it to be excused away. If I am nasty or bitchy or MEAN to you-it's because thats how I am. And if I continue with out offering explanation or apology-that probly means I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
I am a bitch throughout-BUT-I am a COMPASSIONATE bitch. I blame my offspring for that flaw. That conscience. but it's here now, so, I find redeeming qualities in people that would otherwise be written off to ridicule. There is a gray area where there previously wasn't one. But people can either deal with it....or they can't. And if I snap at you-don't write it off to hormones-YOU WERE BEING IRRITATING. (this does NOT apply to Van-sometimes he DOES get treated just cuz I feel sickly)but everyone else-I WAS ACTUALLY UPSET WITH YOU. YES. I WAS.


I USE STEREOTYPES AND RACIAL SLURS CUZ THEY'RE FUNNY.

I MAKE GENERALITIES BASED ON AGE AND SEX FOR THE SAME REASON.

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT-I'LL MAKE FUN OF THAT TOO.

I'm not scared. I don't run from confrontation-pregnant or otherwise. If you challange me-I will accept. NOT because I'm pregnant and "moody" because it is my FUCKING NATURE. It is who I am. And if you don't know that by now.....GOD!
stfu-and go home. Cuz you're useless.

Girl's New Room

Just thought I'd share a shot or two of the girls "new" room. Me and V put alot of hard work into it.......It's a shame not to show it off at least a little bit. Not that we haven't already gotten the payoff we wanted. The girls won't leave their bed for ANYTHING! They even get DRESSED there, lol. Nina even drew a picture of it in school and had bragged about it to all her freinds. Jessie says it's her favortie room-"it's the best room EVER! This is the best HOUSE EVER!" omg. was it worth it? yes, yes it was.

WTF

MY BOOBS WON'T INTO ANY OF MY BRAS ANYMORE. WTF. GODDAMMIT.
JUST THOUGHT I'D SHARE THAT WITH THE WHOLE FRICKIN WORLD.
FUCK.

Still Takin Bets

Soooooooooooo-I put a countdown timer on my page so everyone can just SEE when I'm due and stop asking. There ya go. Enjoy. And I DON'T know what it is yet. Everybody keeps assuming I do. And when I say I don't they're all like "oh-Do you not want to know?" And know this mockery is not directed at ant ONE person-EVERYBODY HAS DONE IT. EVERYONE. Which is why it is driving me so insane. Of course I want to know what it is. I am not by any means at a point in my life where I need to "suprise" myself. I've waited 5 long ass months-I'm ready to KNOW, dammit! I have shit to buy. I need to know which of Trins old clothes to pull out-b/c while it is perfectly acceptable for a girl to wear a blue onesie-it is just not ok to put a boy in pastel pink. And not that Van would allow it. Oh Lord. This is gonna be HIS child if it's a boy-not mine, not ours, just his. And he has made that clear and set me up to expect that and says he doesn't wanna hear anything about treating his first boy any different from his other three girls cuz it's true-he will be. Poor guy. Lol. I'm hoping it's a boy for his sake....ugh-and the sake of my eardrums. girls SCREAM so much man, jesus christ. And speaking of boys-my sweet, lovely, beautiful daughter is STILL being mistaken for a boy! I could understand it when she was an infant. She had like a blue blanket, and blue shoes-and so people would ask me if it was a boy or a girl. Now I take my baby out-dressed in pink or red-with pretty light up Dora shoes, and her hair all down, and carrying her "baby" DW-and people still ask me how old is "HE". We went to Payless so the girls could pick out birthday presents for their sister-and they each picked out very cute, very girly, size 7 toddler shoes. We take them up to the register and I ask the sales lady to put each pair in a seperate bag (so they don't fight over whose caryying the "presents" and she's very nice-she happily obligies. She also comes over and gives Nina three Strawberry Shortcake stickers, Jessie three Strawberry Shortcake stickers, and Trin three SPIDER-MAN STCKERS. dude, wtf?!?!?!?!?!
And I can't go off on this lady as much as I would like to. If Van had been there and seen my face he would have done that freeze up and inch away thing he does when I snap on someone in public............but I couldn't do it-she was just tryna be nice-she went outta her way to be nice. So I tell them all to say thank you and I walk away. And as we're leaving the girls ask me-"Why did she give Trin Spiderman stickers?" "I don't know." I respond "She must've thought Trin was a boy." And they give me this look, like "C'mon, mom-don't be ridiculous." B/c-they don't think their baby sister looks like a boy. It happened again at home depot(where, by the way, I feel i should mention some lil wannabe cute heifer was tryna hit on my husband-but thats neither here nor there-just if anyone knows a lil hispanic girl named Ashley that works at the Home Depot on Elston-pls do her a favor and let her know I WILL cut her. Thanks s'much.) at the the paint counter some chick with a slavic accent feels the need to come over and say "He looks just like his dad, no?" And as I clenched up my jaw-I saw Van giving me this look like-"No, babe, don't do it." So I went over to hime and I was just like "I think she is a very PRETTY girl-why can nobody else see that???????!!!"
Erh. That ends my tirade on that. I just happen to think my daughter is not boylike at all.
Back to the potential boy in my womb. I go to my ultrasound on the fifteenth of this month-and hopefully they'll be able to see WHAT I'M HAVING, finally. And I will update you all.
But until then-I'm still taking bets. More people think it will be a girl than a boy-but I guess we'll see.......

So Little Time

I feel so crappy I feel the need to blog about it. I don't know what the problem is....I just feel like.....pffffffft. No energy. No nothing. Maybe it's all the work we've been putting into getting shit ready for Trins party and the late nights working on the bed and the constant moving and reorganizing and persistent messiness.......I just feel drained today. And I still have so much to do. We gave the girls back early since our plans for today fell thru. Poor nina. She didn't want to go. She looked so sad. But they start back to school tomorrow-so she'll get over it quickly, I hope. Van went to go work on the bed. SO now it's just me. And Trin. And this room that needs to be cleared out, cleaned, and painted. And I just don't have the energy to do it. It's already four in the afternoon and nothings done. I need a nap. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Nap.
No. No nap. Bad ash. GrrrrRRRrrrrr. Must........PAINT.






Van-if you get home and I'm asleep.........
i'm sorry?

Today is my lil bebe's birthday!
Trinity Nerea Thompkins
Born:9/02/04 @ 9:02 AM
I'm so proud of her and love her today and ALWAYS!