I Was Scared

Very few people knew about this, but my daddy has been in the hospital. He went in Tuesday evening cuz he couldn't breathe. His blood pressure turned out to be two-forty-something over two-twenty-something. He was in kidney failure. All of his other organs are damadged from the severity and duration of the high blood pressure. His lungs were full of fluid. He was in ICU-but he has improved and cleared the fluid from his lungs so they've moved him out of there.

I. Was. So. Scared.
I spent a large part of my life hating my father, because of his cruelty.....he rage....his beatings. For a while I prayed for his death.
But I got out. I got away-and he can't hurt me anymore-physically.....and emotionally he's got little on me-cuz I know now that I'm not a piece of shit. I'm worth a tremendous amount......to my kids and my husband-and thats enough for me.
So I was terrified of losing my daddy. Because he's the only one I have left. I lost my mom a long time ago-sure thats the body that holds the womb that carried my fetal self......but upstairs-I have no idea who that person is. My dad has always been consistently the same person. He's a little less mean these days-but he's still the dad I've always known. And I'm not prepared to lose that. He's the one I get my looks from, my size as well. And he's the one I get my personality from. And I don't know anyone thats quite like him or me. I am not ready to lose where I came from.
He may not be perfect-but he's my dad. He's the only one I've got. And as much as he may have hated me from time to time-I'm still his favorite.
And I'm glad he's ok.