Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Another Mom awarded sole custody...another baby dies.......
Father of Murdered Girl: 'I wanted custody...this could have been prevented, but it's too late'
Yet another story which illustrates the high cost exacted upon children by our family law system's severe anti-father bias. In this case, a loving father shared a special bond with his little girl. Nevertheless, the family law system allowed a vindictive and apparently abusive mother to push the father out of his daughter's life--and it cost the little girl her life.Toddler was 'healthy, happy little girl'
body was found in a plastic container in the trunk of her mother's car earlier this week, is going through the worst kind of pain a parent can endure.
Marco Gonzalez, 21, sat in his parents' apartment Friday in Northeast El Paso and recalled his daughter in the good times.
"We were very close. Every time I left, if I didn't take her, she would open the door herself and say, 'Daddy, I want to come,' " Gonzalez said. "She was a healthy, happy little girl, as you can tell from the pictures. She always had a smile on her face."
On Tuesday, while picking up his mother at a restaurant, Gonzalez got the news that Jacqueline had been found dead outside her mother's apartment at 625 S. Yar brough.
"I felt like my heart just dropped to the floor," Gonzalez said Friday, having a difficult time explaining his grief.
"I don't really show a lot of emotion. I'm the one who's supposed to be strong because it's my loss, nobody else's. I can't explain to you what kind of emotions," he said.
Jacqueline's mother, Yara Belen Perez, and her common-law husband, Francisco Javier Castaneda, were arrested Tuesday and charged with injury to a child resulting in death. They remain in custody in lieu of $200,000 bail.
Gonzalez said he was locked in a custody battle for Jacqueline after Child Protective Services closed an investigation into accusations of abuse against the girl's mother.
"The reason I was trying to fight for custody is because CPS closed the case, and I didn't think it was right," Gonzalez said. "CPS closed the case and she already had two charges of abuse against her." Officials with CPS said Friday that Perez was investigated in two separate cases and that the agency did not identify any risk factors for abuse or neglect, but said she might exhibit irrational behavior at times. Perez came across as protective of her children, they showed no signs of physical abuse, and she willingly signed a safety plan in which she promised not to physically discipline her children or leave them unattended, said Paul Zimmerman, spokes man for the agency. "Through our investigation, risk factors were determined to be controlled," he said. "Mom did have some problems with irrational behavior." About a year ago, a judge ruled that Perez would have custody of Jacqueline, but Gonzalez was allowed specific visitation days and Jacqueline could visit overnight once she turned 3 years old. After Perez got together with Castaneda, the couple moved away, and Gonzalez did not know how to get in touch with them. Perez's mother, Margarita Alcocer, secretly took Jacqueline to the Gonzalez home, a ruse designed to keep Perez from knowing that Gonzalez and his parents were seeing the little girl. Perez's alleged lack of cooperation over visitation by Gonzalez prompted him to fight for custody, a suit that was scheduled for a court hearing in January. "I know I could have taken custody," he said. "With court, all of this could have been prevented, but it's a little too late." Gonzalez said that until about three weeks ago, he was staying at the West Texas Community Supervision and Correction Restitution Center, a halfway house. He said he lived there for about three months as part of his recovery after a DWI conviction from a year ago. Jacqueline stayed at her father's parents' apartment for three months until about five weeks ago, but during that time Perez never called to check and see how her daughter was, whether she needed clothes or money or anything at all, said Antonio Gonzalez, Jacqueline's paternal grandfather. Whenever the time came for Jacqueline to return to her mother's custody, Jacqueline would resist, saying that she didn't want to go home. The last time Jacqueline was at her paternal grandparents' home, she jumped on the sofa and said she didn't want to leave when her grandfather said it was time to go back to her mother's apartment. "I told her, 'Mija, we've got to get ready to take you to your mother,' and she said 'No, Pa! No, Pa! Bad boy.' " Jacqueline's grandfather said. "We picked up the sense more or less that something was wrong."
Friday, November 23, 2007
about my previous blog and ones like it
Fathers are being elbowed out of their childrens lives. Cast aside as merely paychecks. The child support system is out of control. Errors are frequent and gross. More emphasis is put on simply collecting rather than making sure the amounts are fair and accurate. Possibly because states recieve 3 fedaeral dollars for everyone dollar collected and there are no checks or balances to make sure that money is appropriated correctly.
Children are DYING. And mothers are 7 more likely to kill their childrens in single parent households than fathers. It hurts me to see young lives ended before they have even really begun. I'm not saying men never kill their kids-it's just for every ONE man that does it-they're are SEVEN women that do and family court judges don't seem to bother to consider that. Nor do DCFS social workers.
What I'm also not saying is that the twins BM would ever kill them. I don't think so. I do think that when left unchecked she puts them in potentially dangerous, negligent situations-but that's a far cry from delibrately murdering your children.
My point in ALL of my blogs in FAIRNESS. I was raised with the belief that a woman can do anything a man can. I think it is an extremely healthy mentality for a young woman to have. It took a long time to get there. That however, needs to be checked with the fact that a man can do anything a woman can. Women are no BETTER than men and we need to deflate our heads and try to be equitable and fair in this country. The twins mother BELIEVES that she is doing V a great favor by giving him shared, split, or alternating holidays. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. That is the wrong mentality and that is the ignorance I am trying to combat with my bloggings. The children are EQUALLY theirs. She didn't contribute any more than 23 chromosomes to them or anything of the sort that ENTITLES her to the majority of the time and all of the holidays. The holidays should be split, equally. Parenting time should be split, equally. And the love the girls have for their parents should not have to be SPLIT at all.
Courts do not give fathers equal access to their children. That is a problem. And babies are dying because of it.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
thankful
i truly am thankful today. i am thankful we just celebrated our third anniversary in our co-op. If we can stick it out 12 more years we'll own it, lol. I'm thankful my baby girl is brilliant. she already knows half her alphabet-and by half i mean at least 15 letter outta 26. She's smart. and she's the only person I know that can read her mother so well. I'm thankful for my boy. He's beautiful and big and healthy and I love just holding him-and unlike trin at that age-he actually lets me hold and cuddle him. I'm thankful he's so mobile and goes up, down, and here to there with such ease. And I'm thankful that I can look at him with tears in my eyes or a scowl on my face and his response is the same big gummy grin and maybe a throaty laugh thrown in there just for good measure. I'm thankful that, even though nina and jessie aren't doind so well right now, that they are still a major and amazing part of my LIFE. They are still my beautiful babies and have beautiful thoughts and beautiful minds. And I'm thankful that through all of the
HAPS AND
PAS that they have been through-they are still strong, still troopers, and I am so proud of them for that.
I'm thankful for the crappy job at the prestigious institution I've been lucky enough to keep for the last 8 months or so. The shift work sleep disorder has driven me almost mad, but it's keep our house heated and lit, and kept clothes on our back and food in our tummys since I had my boy so I'm grateful.
There's I shit ton of other stuff that I'm thankful for-like that we WON our 15lb turkey in a raffle at the liquor store. But I cn see your eyes starting to gloss over. I'll save my thanks for the dinner table. I just wanna add that I'm thankful to all of you for listening to my rambling so regularly. I get almost 50 blog hits a day whether I acutally write that day or not and thats AMAZING to me. That peopleare actually interested in what I'm saying. This blog is like a diary to me. I bare my soul for the whole world to see-something I never actually do in my ohysical life. I'm controlled. I'm reserved. But I let it all come out on this screen and people respond to it. My readers KEEP growing and I hope my words are able to touch at least of few of you and make you laugh and keep you going. So, thank you for that.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
A Disturbing, Deadly Trend
Abuse risk seen worse as families change
By DAVID CRARY, AP National WriterNEW YORK - Six-year-old Oscar Jimenez Jr. was beaten to death in California, then buried under fertilizer and cement. Two-year-old Devon Shackleford was drowned in an Arizona swimming pool. Jayden Cangro, also 2, died after being thrown across a room in Utah.
In each case, as in many others every year, the alleged or convicted perpetrator had been the boyfriend of the child's mother — men thrust into father-like roles which they tragically failed to embrace.
Every case is different, every family is different. Some single mothers bring men into their lives who lovingly help raise children when the biological father is gone for good.
Nonetheless, many scholars and front-line caseworkers interviewed by The Associated Press see the abusive-boyfriend syndrome as part of a broader trend that deeply worries them. They note an ever-increasing share of America's children grow up in homes without both biological parents, and say the risk of child abuse is markedly higher in the nontraditional family structures.
"This is the dark underbelly of cohabitation," said Brad Wilcox, a sociology professor at the University of Virginia. "Cohabitation has become quite common, and most people think, 'What's the harm?' The harm is we're increasing a pattern of relationships that's not good for children."
The existing data on child abuse in America is patchwork, making it difficult to track national trends with precision. The most recent federal survey on child maltreatment tallies nearly 900,000 abuse incidents reported to state agencies in 2005, but it does not delve into how rates of abuse correlate with parents' marital status or the makeup of a child's household.
Similarly, data on the roughly 1,500 child-abuse fatalities that occur annually in the United States leaves unanswered questions. Many of those deaths result from parental neglect, rather than overt physical abuse. Of the 500 or so deaths caused by physical abuse, the federal statistics do not specify how many were caused by a stepparent or unmarried partner of the parent.
However, there are many other studies that, taken together, reinforce the concerns. Among the findings:
_Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents, according to a study of Missouri abuse reports published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005.
_Children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents, according to several studies co-authored by David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center.
_Girls whose parents divorce are at significantly higher risk of sexual assault, whether they live with their mother or their father, according to research by Robin Wilson, a family law professor at Washington and Lee University.
"All the emphasis on family autonomy and privacy shields the families from investigators, so we don't respond until it's too late," Wilson said. "I hate the fact that something dangerous for children doesn't get responded to because we're afraid of judging someone's lifestyle."
Census data leaves no doubt that family patterns have changed dramatically in recent decades as cohabitation and single-parenthood became common. Thirty years ago, nearly 80 percent of America's children lived with both parents. Now, only two-thirds of them do. Of all families with children, nearly 29 percent are now one-parent families, up from 17 percent in 1977.
The net result is a sharp increase in households with a potential for instability, and the likelihood that adults and children will reside in them who have no biological tie to each other.
"I've seen many cases of physical and sexual abuse that come up with boyfriends, stepparents," said Eliana Gil, clinical director for the national abuse-prevention group Childhelp.
"It comes down to the fact they don't have a relationship established with these kids," she said. "Their primary interest is really the adult partner, and they may find themselves more irritated when there's a problem with the children."
That was the case with Jayden Cangro.
In July 2006, his mother's boyfriend, Phillip Guymon, hurled the 2-year-old nine feet across a room in Murray, Utah, because he balked at going to bed. The child died from his injuries.
Jayden's mother, Carly Moore, has undergone therapy since the killing. Yet she continues to second-guess herself about her two-year relationship with Guymon.
"There's so much guilt," she said in a telephone interview. "I never saw him hit my kids, ever. But he was gruff in his manner — there were signs that he wasn't most pleasant person for kids to be around."
Guymon has been sentenced to five years in prison for second-degree felony child abuse homicide. Moore thinks the penalty is far too light.
"It's a hard thing," she said, recalling Jayden's death. "You go off to work, you say, 'See you later,' and then everything's completely shattered in a split second."
Some women can't see the trouble even when it's right in front of them.
Jennifer Harvey of Springfield, Mo., acknowledged in court last summer that she continued to date a man for two months after becoming suspicious that he had killed her 18-month-old son, Gavin.
"I was in denial," said Harvey, who was placed on five years' probation for not acting on her suspicions. The boyfriend, Joseph Haslett, was sentenced to life in prison for suffocating the toddler with a headlock.
The slaying of toddler Devon Shackleford in 2004 was premeditated.
Derek Chappell, who was sentenced to death this month, considered Devon an obstacle to an on-again, off-again relationship with the boy's mother, and drowned him in an apartment complex's swimming pool in Mesa, Ariz.
The mother, Kristal Frank, has created a Web site in memory of her son, full of reminiscences and snapshots. Chappell is referred to only as "that inhumane thing."
Such cases trigger a visceral reaction, but there are no simple solutions. Some of the worst cases of child abuse involve biological parents, and examples abound of children thriving in nontraditional households
"There's no going back to the past," said Washington and Lee's Robin Wilson. "We don't tell people who they can cohabit with. We don't tell them they can't have children out of wedlock."
There are, of course, some initiatives aimed at reducing the percentage of children raised by single parents. That's one of the goals of the Bush administration's Healthy Marriage Initiative.
"The risk (of abuse) to children outside a two-parent household is greater," said Susan Orr, one of the top child-welfare specialists in the Department of Health and Human Services. "Does that mean all single parents abuse their children? Of course not. But the risk is certainly there, and it's useful to know that."
As with many local programs, the federal effort encourages single parents to at least consider marriage, while other programs focus on broadening the support network for single parents. One long-standing initiative, the Nurse-Family Partnership, has lowered abuse rates by arranging for nurses to visit low-income, first-time mothers throughout their pregnancy and after their child is born.
Many social workers say the emphasis should be on nurturing healthy relationships, whether or not the parent is married.
"The primary thing is to have adults around who care about these kids, whatever shape it takes," said Zeinab Chahine, who was a New York City child-protection caseworker and administrator for 22 years before taking a high-level job in July with Casey Family Programs.
Chahine said caseworkers need to learn as much as possible, in a nonconfrontational manner, about the personal dynamics in at-risk households. Is there an unmarried partner who spends time there, or a newly arrived stepparent? Does that person care about the children, or consider them a nuisance? Is a criminal background check warranted?
"We start from perspective that the mom is as concerned about her kids as we are," Chahine said. "We can try to help her see the need for us to look into the situation."
Judith Schagrin, a Baltimore-based social worker engaged in child welfare for 24 years, said live-in boyfriends can be valuable resources for a single mother and her children. Some even have been awarded custody of children as an alternative to foster care while the mother is in jail.
"We look at the relationship the kid has with whomever is around — is it supportive or destructive?" Schagrin said. "Does the mother have a long-term, stable relationship with this individual, or does she have rotating list of partners coming in and out?"
In the real world, however, learning crucial details about a potentially fragile family is not easy.
"The field struggles with the balance between intrusion in private matters and awareness of significant risks to the child," said Fred Wulczyn, a research fellow at the University of Chicago's Chapin Hall Center for Children.
"With a social worker who's in the house on a once-a-month basis, how good do we expect our diagnostics to be?" Wulczyn asked. "Achieving the right balance, so you never have to ponder 'What if?' — that's hard to do."
The sensitivity of probing into private lives is one of many problems underlying the lack of definitive national data that correlates child abuse with parents' marital status and household makeup. Some conservative commentators say "political correctness" is partly to blame — namely a reluctance to press for data that might reflect negatively on single motherhood.
Another problem is lack of thoroughness and consistency among the states as they forward abuse reports to federal agencies. Differing definitions of "household" and varying efforts to ascertain marital status result in a statistical "hodgepodge," according to Elliott Smith, who oversees a national archive of child-abuse research at Cornell University.
Among child-welfare specialists, there is hope that the statistical gaps will be filled by a comprehensive federal survey, the National Incidence Study, that will be completed next year.
The previous version of the study, released in 1996, concluded that children of single parents had a 77 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse than children living with both parents. But the new version will delve much deeper into the specifics of family structure and cohabitation, according to project director Andrea Sedlak.
"We can ask the questions," Sedlak said. "But it's hard to look at cohabiting. It could well be there will be too much missing data to make definitive statements."
Long term, many child-welfare advocates say economic and social changes are needed, so day-care options improve and young men in poor communities have job prospects that make marriage seem more feasible. There's also agreement that many adults in high-risk households need better parenting skills — whether it's the harried young mothers often guilty of harmful neglect or the boyfriends and stepfathers often responsible for physical abuse.
"These boyfriends increasingly have been raised without fathers and been abused themselves," said Patrick Fagan, a family-policy specialist with the conservative Family Research Council. "Among the inner-city poor, the turnover of male partners is high. Where's a boy getting the model of what a father is like?"
Oscar Jimenez Jr., the San Jose, Calif., boy found buried under cement and fertilizer, did have a biological father who was devoted to him. But the father, Oscar Sr., separated from Oscar Jr.'s mother in 2002 and was prevented from seeing his son in the weeks before the boy's death in February, allegedly from a beating by live-in boyfriend and ex-convict Samuel Corona.
The mother, Kathyrn Jimenez, says she, like her son, was abused by Corona, yet she has pleaded guilty to three felony charges for assisting him — driving with him from San Jose to Phoenix to hide her son's remains, then keeping quiet about the killing for months.
Kathryn Jimenez was in custody when Oscar Jr.'s funeral took place Sept. 29. She didn't hear the plea of a longtime family friend.
"Listen carefully to the message," Olessia Silva said at the service. "To all the mothers in this world who may find themselves in a difficult situation or harmful relationship: know that there is always, always someone willing to help if you would just reach out."
it's 4am
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Well, let's say this then
I am neither evil nor wicked.
I do not make my stepchildren do household chores while my biochildren attend balls and parties.
I have never asked my husband to leave my stepchildren in the woods so they can be eaten by a witch.
I have never attempted to poison my stepchildren with fruit.
I love my stepchildren. I do. Truly and with all my heart.
But. I am hated, nonetheless. By their mother, by their stepfather, and by them occaisionally.
Why? I don't know. I'm not inclined to ask. It's difficult to get a straight answer out of any of the three parties mentioned above.
I'm a member of quite a few support groups, forums, and websites, enough to know that I am in the minority. Many of the forums on the sites have dozens of topics titled "I HATE MY STEPCHILDREN". Women just wanting their stepchildren to go away. Not exist. They wish the children would stay with their biomothers at all times.
I can't relate. I love my stepchildren. I want them around as much as possible. I know that during this court process that this is the part that is making their biomom give us so much trouble. If it was just Verlander that they were gonna be spending time with-she would be putting up much less of a fight. She'd be more inclined to allow the time to be fair and equitable. She doesn't want them to spend time with me. This isn't something I've conjured out of nothing. I've been informed they are not supposed even to go to the store with me unless Verlander is coming along. She doesn't want me around them.
Why?
As I said-I'm not an evil stepmother. I'm a good one and I think that is the problem. She doesn't want to lose them and she believes I mean to steal them away. The more I love them and the more they love me the more threatened she feels. In her mind Verlander could never take her place but I am a threat.
There's no way to change her mind on this. I know. But I wanted to go on record as saying that it is not an easy thing to be a stepmother. Your stepkids don't always like you, their mother never does, you're expected to immediately acdcept and feel comfortable with these children in your life, in your world, and if you don't something is wrong with YOU and if they choose not to accept you then something is ALSO wrong with YOU. But I've done it. Accepted, embraced, loved. And omg-how many posts have i read where stepmothers are crying about how they can NEVER love their stepchild as much as their biochild because of the BOND they share with their biochild through blood. I don't believe it. Not even a little bit. Being a mother is more than blood. Love is more than a genetic connection. And I treat ALL of the children the same, age-appropriate, but the same. And my love for all of them runs at the same depth.
So there.
I'm sorry Cinderella, Hansel & Gretel, and Snow White had it so bad-but I didn't do it. I'm one of the good guys.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Three Types Of Alienators
Parental Alienation: Three Types of Alienators:
The Naive Alienator
"Tell your father that he has more money than I do, so let him buy your soccer shoes."
Most divorced parents have moments when they are Naive alienators. These parents mean well and recognize the importance of the children having a healthy relationship with the other parent. They rarely have to return to court because of problems with visits or other issues relating to the children. They encourage the relationship between the children and the other parent and their family. Communication between both parents is usually good, though they will have their disagreements, much like they did before the divorce. For the most part, they can work out their differences without bringing the children into it.
Children, whether or not their parents are divorced, know there are times when their parents will argue or disagree about something. They don't like seeing their parents argue and may feel hurt or frightened by what they hear. Somehow, the children manage to cope, either by talking out their feelings to a receptive parent, ignoring the argument or trusting that the skirmish will pass and all will heal. What they see and hear between their parents does not typically damage the children of the naive alienator. They trust their parent's love and protection. The child and the parent have distinct personalities, beliefs and feelings. Neither is threatened by how the other feels towards the targeted parent.
The characteristics of Naive alienators are:
- Their ability to separate in their minds the children's needs from their own. They recognize the importance for the children to spend time with the other parent so they can build a mutually loving relationship. They avoid making the other parent a target for their hurt and loss.
- Their ability to feel secure with the children's relationship with their grandparents and their mother or father.
- Their respect for court orders and authority.
- Their ability to let their anger and hurt heal and not interfere with the children's relationship with their mother or father.
- Their ability to be flexible and willing to work with the other parent.
- Their ability to feel guilty when they acted in a way to hurt the children's relationship with their mother or father.
- Their ability to allow the other parent to share in their children's activities.
- Their ability to share medical and school records.
The Active Alienator
"I don't want you to tell your father that I earned this extra money. The miser will take it from his child support check that will keep us from going to Disneyworld. You remember he's done this before when we wanted to go to Grandma's for Christmas."
Most parents returning to court over problems with visitation are active alienators. These parents mean well and believe that the children should have a healthy relationship with the other parent. The problem they have is with controlling their frustration, bitterness or hurt. When something happens to trigger their painful feelings, active alienators lash out in a way to cause or reinforce alienation against the targeted parent. After regaining control, the parent will usually feel guilty or bad about what they did and back off from their alienating tactics. Vacillating between impulsively alienating and then repairing the damage with the children is the trademark of the active alienator. They mean well, but will lose control because the intensity of their feelings overwhelms them.
The characteristics of active alienators are:
- Lashing out at the other parent in front of the children. Their problem has more to do with loss of self-control when they are upset than with a sinister motivation.
- After calming down, active alienators realize that they were wrong. They usually try to repair any damage or hurt to the children. During the making up, such parents can be very comforting and supportive of the child's feelings.
- Like naive alienators, they are able to differentiate between their needs and those of the children by supporting the children's desire to have a relationship with the other parent.
- Like naive alienators, active alienators allow the children to have different feelings and beliefs from their own. During the flare ups of anger, however, the delineation between the child and parent's beliefs can become very blurry until the parent calms down and regains control. For the most part, older children have their own opinions about both parents based upon personal experience rather than what they are told by others. To keep peace, the older child usually learns to keep their opinions to themselves. Younger and more trusting children become more confused and vulnerable to their parents' manipulations.
The Obsessed Alienator
"I love my children. If the court can't protect them from their abusive father, I will. Even though he's never abused the children, I know it's a matter of time. The children are frightened of their father. If they don't want to see him, I'm not going to force them. They are old enough to make up their own minds."
The obsessed alienator is a parent, or sometimes a grandparent, with a cause: to align the children to his or her side and together, with the children, campaign to destroy their relationship with the targeted parent. For the campaign to work, the obsessed alienator enmeshes the children's personalities and beliefs into their own. This is a process that takes time but one that the children, especially the young, are completely helpless to see and combat. It usually begins well before the divorce is final. The obsessed parent is angry, bitter or feels betrayed by the other parent. The initial reasons for the bitterness may actually be justified. They could have been verbally and physical abused, raped, betrayed by an affair, or financially cheated. The problem occurs when the feelings won't heal but instead become more intense because of being forced to continue the relationship with a person they despise because of their common parenthood. Just having to see or talk to the other parent is a reminder of the past and triggers the hate. They are trapped with nowhere to go and heal.
The characteristics of obsessed alienators are:
- They are obsessed with destroying the children's relationship with the targeted parent.
- They having succeeded in enmeshing the children's personalities and beliefs about the other parent with their own.
- The children will parrot the obsessed alienator rather than express their own feelings from personal experience with the other parent.
- The targeted parent and often the children cannot tell you the reasons for their feelings. Their beliefs sometimes becoming delusional and irrational. No one, especially the court, can convince obsessed alienators that they are wrong. Anyone who tries is the enemy.
- They will often seek support from family members, quasi-political groups or friends that will share in their beliefs that they are victimized by the other parent and the system. The battle becomes "us against them." The obsessed alienator's supporters are often seen at the court hearings even though they haven't been subpoenaed.
- They have an unquenchable anger because they believe that they have been victimized by the targeted parent and whatever they do to protect the children is justified.
- They have a desire for the court to punish the other parent with court orders that would interfere or block the targeted parent from seeing the children. This confirms in the obsessed alienator's mind that he or she was right all the time.
- The court's authority does not intimidate them.
- The obsessed alienator believes in a higher cause, protecting the children at all cost.
- The obsessed alienator will probably not want to read what is on these pages because the content just makes them angrier.
Provided by Douglas Darnell, Ph.D.
(and for the record stepparents can be and frequently are targets of alienation)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
uh-oh
and there will be shots involved.
no good can come of this*.
*no-good with the exception of him being vaccinated against illnesses that could potentially kill him-other than him being protected against death-the whole shot thing SUCKS!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Compassion
In other words, your uncompromisingly compassionate nature directly affects how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.
For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you can lend a helping hand to those who really need it. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in compassion and the range of emotions it triggers.
Based on your belief in compassion, where do you rank in the emotional landscape? Which of your emotions dominate your life? And how can you learn to control your emotions?
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This section will reveal the intensity at which you experience the 8 key emotions (Happiness, Respect, Fear, Sadness, Hostility, Anger, Expectancy) on a scale from low to high. Read the Take Action recommendations and find out how to manage your emotions, regardless of where they are on the scale. ..>..>..>..>
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Happiness is an incredibly powerful and positive emotion. Most of us would agree that we'd like to have as much happiness in our lives as possible. Tickle's research has shown that the experience of happiness is strongly linked to feeling competent. When you feel like you can aptly handle what life sends your way, you're more likely to feel the exhilaration of happiness. A sense of connection and belonging is also closely related to your capacity for happiness. Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience happiness at a moderate intensity. When something really good happens in your life, you like to revel in your happiness. While some may be more inclined to jump for happiness or meditate in a state of serenity and calm, you most often feel a more balanced and even-keeled happiness. Your feelings of delight are nourishing to both yourself and those you share them with. ..>..>..>..>
The capacity for respect is the gateway to a deeply fulfilling life. Respect in ourselves and others involves taking risks and being able to bounce back if those risks don't pay off. Tickle's research has shown that the ability to respect is strongly linked with a bounty of positive attributes, particularly a sense of self-reliance. When we can count on ourselves, it feels safer to give our respect and our faith to others. A high sense of self-worth is also closely related to your ability to feel genuine respect. Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience respect at a low intensity. When you place your respect in others, it means you've identified them as someone you value and approve of. Some people may think of respect as revering another person without reservation, but when you respect another person you tend to base it solely on your individual interactions with that person. Your tendency is to allow people the opportunity to earn your respect through positive proof of their character. For you, it may be liberating to allow yourself to dispense respect more freely, imagining that humans are generally good in nature. ..>..>..>..>
We tend to think of fear as an emotion that needs to be overcome. However, sometimes fear serves to keep us safe from potential dangers. In moderation and good proportion, fear is a useful ally. That said, Tickle's research has indicated that the more self-reliant an individual feels, the less fear they tend to experience. Taking good care of yourself and your needs can greatly diminish feelings of fear. Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience fear at a moderate intensity. When something frightens you, such as a dark alleyway or an upcoming test, you may find that you experience a sense of agitation. In situations where some people feel terrified, and others feel slightly uneasy, you tend to feel something in between. You are likely to be good at listening to your fears and using them as a safety gauge. On the rare occasion when you feel pestered by an irrational fear, you may want to consider employing some relaxation techniques | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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 | | Brooding | Sadness | Despair |
Sadness can creep up for seemingly no reason, like on cloudy days when we find ourselves feeling a little down. It can also be overwhelming in the form of grief, such as when we lose a loved one. It's painful to feel deep sadness, but it's an inevitable part of life. Allowing ourselves to experience our sadness gives us the full range of the human experience — without sadness, how can we truly understand the emotions of happiness or eager expectancy? Yet when left unchecked, sadness can start to take over and color our view of ourselves and those around us. Tickle's research shows that feeling loved and connected to others can help alleviate feelings of sadness. Thus, a great antidote for the blues is an evening spent with a caring friend or family member.
Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience sadness at a high intensity. When you get into a funk, you tend to feel heavy-hearted and, at times, inconsolable, whereas others, in a similar situation, experience a more mild unhappiness or moodiness. Your feelings of sadness indicate that you're in touch with your deepest emotions and that you aren't afraid to delve into painful feelings. Because of this, you're likely a more empathic person than others. While being able to access your grief is a useful emotional tool, you may be more prone to getting stuck in your sadness. During sad times, it's particularly important for you to make plans with others to watch a light comedy or engage in other uplifting activities.
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 | | Shock | Wonderment | Interest |
On occasion, it's fun to be filled with wonder, to be surprised. For example, it feels good to come home to discover that our household chores have already been done, to find out we're getting a bonus at work, or to hear unexpected good news. However, Tickle's research has indicated that feelings of wonderment can also leave us feeling unsettled. Being filled with wonder means we're taken off-guard, and as a result we may feel less able to access our personal resources of power. Feeling surprised in this way can also cause us to be less flexible, since being startled, by its very nature, makes us feel less in control. Deepening our connections to others can help us to feel more grounded and less prone to this kind of upset when things happen that we weren't expecting.
Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience wonderment at a high intensity. When something surprises you, you tend to be stunned for a long time. Unexpected news, such as a significant promotion at work, impacts people in different ways. Some people tend to feel mildly upset or alarmed, but you're more likely to feel shocked. If the intensity of your wonderment throws you off, it may be helpful for you to pay extra attention to the thoughts and concerns of those around you, as this may give you a heads up about things that would otherwise escape your attention.
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 | | Shock | Hostility | Interest |
Hostility can take the form of utter lack of interest or complete hatred. There are plenty of times when some degree of hostility is warranted. We may feel weary after our fifth unpleasant blind date in a row or offended when someone treats us with disrespect. When a person does something heinous, such as assault an innocent stranger, it's not unreasonable to feel something more akin to loathing. That said, hostility and hostility can also be unwarranted; expressing scorn just because someone is driving more slowly than you think they should can wear on you and spread negativity to others. Tickle's research has shown that compassion is the natural antidote to hostility.
Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience hostility at a high intensity. When someone makes an inappropriate comment, for instance, you're more likely to feel loathing, whereas others may gravitate toward less intense feelings, such as dislike. Your feelings of intense hostility can be used as a gauge to identify behavior that is ultimately offensive or inappropriate, and they can motivate you to take action against such behavior. When misplaced, though, feelings of scorn and disdain can alienate others and sometimes poison you. Engaging in empathetic feelings toward yourself and others is a good way of defusing hostility when it seems out of proportion to the situation at hand.
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 | | Irritation | Anger | Fury |
Anger is perhaps the most controversial and confusing of emotions. When left unchecked, anger can spin out of control and cause us to behave in destructive or hurtful ways. When ignored, it can fester inside and overpower our other more positive emotions. Yet the experience of anger is also healthy and beneficial. Tickle's research has revealed that the healthy expression of anger is linked to feelings of self-reliance. Anger can help us to gauge when we are being treated fairly and when we need to speak up for ourselves. When anger starts to feel overwhelming, it can help to work on being flexible with ourselves and others.
Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience anger at a high intensity. When you're wronged, you're more likely than others to feel enraged. The benefits of this experiencing anger at this intensity are that it's less likely that someone is going to take advantage of you or get away with mistreatment. You're your own best advocate. When experienced easily or frequently, however, feeling furious can take a toll on your well-being and on your close relationships. You may want to consider employing techniques like daily meditation to help cool the level of your anger.
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 | | Curiosity | Expectancy | Yearning |
Expectancy is the emotion that has us thinking of our futures. Our curiosity will always keep us exploring new topics and pursuing new relationships. It's hope that drives us to pursue our goals. It's eagerness that drives us to look forward and build today what we can enjoy tomorrow. Tickle's research has shown that expectancy is linked with feeling a high degree of personal power. We allow ourselves to hope because we believe that to some extent we can do something to make our dreams a reality. Expectancy comes easiest when we feel secure in ourselves and safe in our world. In addition, the more open-minded we feel, the easier it can be to luxuriate in our excitement about the future.
Your test results have revealed that you tend to experience expectancy at a moderate intensity. For instance, when planning your vacation or getting ready to start something new, you're likely to spend a lot of time preparing. Looking forward to things can add spice to life, and being able to feel that excitement means you don't tend to prepare for the worst or hold back on your eagerness. This enthusiasm adds thrill to your life, and others find your good feelings contagious. The downside to your levels of expectancy is that sometimes you may feel disappointed or let down when things go wrong, and you may find it difficult to be 'in the moment' when you're focusing on something that hasn't yet happened. Making sure to balance your expectations for the future with an appreciation for what you already have is important for your emotional balance and well-being.
Because of your uncompromisingly compassionate nature, you generally feel most fulfilled when you can lend a helping hand to those who really need it. You are an incredibly caring person who tries your best to put yourself in someone else's shoes before you judge them. You tend to see both sides in a situation or conflict, and because of that you may be often asked to help settle disputes. People likely come to you when they need a sympathetic ear because they know they can count on you to respond in a caring way. Your emotional intolerance for hard-heartedness — in yourself and others — makes you a highly empathic person.
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