pain

pain is so fleeting. physical pain, i mean. It hurts like hell in the moment, stings right after, and may be sore for what seems like forever, but the body is designed to heal itself. To repair the damage. and as long as it has the capacity to do so-it will never stop trying. Sometimes it heals us with such abandon that it tries to fix areas where nothing is actually wrong. Attacks normal, healthy cells that appear to threaten it.
I wonder, if the mind is the same? From experience, physical pain is so much easier to control. The emotional, the psychological, that is almost uncontrollable. With a physical wound, no matter how many times you rip the stitches out, healing may be delayed but it WILL happen. Even if the wound is infected and the condition aggravated, the body fights the infection in continued efforts to heal itself. Does the mind? When there is sickness within your psyche-is it and can it be healed? Or does that part of you eventually go numb to the pain? Like flesh, slapped too many times, the nerve endings cold, zapped, no longer send that painful message of HURT. If you poke at a mental wound, does the pain flare up and die down like a slowly healing bruise? Or is it a sore, picked open, that has to start healing again from scratch?
I muse over these things, wondering if I will ever be whole, and complete and normal. I feel that way so much of the time. I feel as if I've overcome the injuries inflicted on my mind from my existence. I feel like the wounds have healed, and only their scars remain, as lessons to be remembered and studied, mistakes never to be repeated. But then something happens and all those mental injuries flare up. The pain is fresh and so real. It hurts. Badly. And I have to wonder if they ever really healed at all. and it threatens everything I have worked so hard to obtain and achieve. Why should an injury from so long ago still hurt so bad? Injuries to the body never take as long. Even the deepest cuts make take years to fully heal-but they do-and you're whole again. Even broken bones repair themselves, in time. But injuries to the mind seem as if they never heal. They are permanent. And you can only take so many before you die. And after death, there is nothing. There is no healing or fixing or treating death. You cease to exist. And whether it is your mind or your body that's gone.....it doesn't matter. You're still gone. Permanently.


Such a morbid, weirdo blog.I can't help but wonder though. It's not something I choose to think about, merely something my mind stumbled upon, trying to make sense out of the universe. I want it to make sense so badly. Cuz so much of it doesn't seem right at all.