Life is a beautiful struggle...I wouldn't change a thing.....This how I see it.

Monday, January 28, 2008


I'm waiting for Van to get out of the shower. I figure I might as well blog. It' one of my favorite pastimes, lol.
We're celebrating tonight, cuz it was a crazy weekend. Dinner, a movie, and hella alcohol. Toasts to our blessings and good fortune.
Life is SO good right now. I can't even believe it. It's just all so amazing and kinda scary-cuz it can't keep getting better right? I mean-I believe in checks and balances and I believe that in life for every AMAZING period of time you have-there's going to be an equally AWFUL period of time........It's just.....balance, you know?
So thats why the AWESOMENESS of this period of time is a little alarming. It's like, can it really be this good?
I mean-me and Van are at our finest. HE's amazing and wonderful and thoughtful and helpful and this friday I discovered as much as I brag on him-he brags just as much about me. I'm so in love with him, even after 6 years, and our relationship is just in really, really, good shape-inspite of everything we've been thru and because of it.
Trin is effing brilliant. She is so articulate and funny and polite and concerned. And watching her and her brother, two people that I  created, interact is almost mind-blowing at times. They are so in love with each other. They just walk up to each other and hold each other sometimes. Or they lay together on the floor in complete silnce and suck their thumbs and enjoy one anothers prescence. He has a cut on his forehead and as I changed his bandage today she said "Thank you mommy. Thank you for taking care of my brudder." Yeah, I think that pretty much says it all.
And of course- court. It's finally done, and I have dreamed of this many, many times over the past 15 months-and now it's real. It's over, and without winning the lottery and hiring a team of expert, hungry-ass lawyers, or the heifer getting killed in some random tragic accident-we came out ON TOP. It's surreal. And now on TOP of it all-she's being all sweet and cooperative. And i'm sure it's all an act and it's just because she needs van's cooperation for the kids to participate in her brothers wedding, but after all this time of hostility and hatred and SILENCE-to hear her chatting it up and being responsive and collaberative-it's kind of unnerving. I won't allow myself to hate her-God has allowed me to escape that-and I'm fighting to maintain it. But I do have to put in perspective-that she lied and tried to have Van thrown in jail, that she made the children feel horrible for loving me and van and their home here, that she placed such emphasis on Trinity being only their HALF sister, that she refused to talk, to try and work ANYTHING out for 15 fucking months because she thought she could limit our time with them to every other weekend, and never let us pick them up from school, and prevent Van from getting his joint legal custody barring him from any desicions about his childrens lives. And all those delusions are now GONE-cuz theres a court order to the contrary.
Shit is good. Even more good shit has not been mentioned-but Van has completed his shower and our night of celebration has commenced.
But, wow, my friends......
Life is so GOOD.

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