SHE

Occasionally she may let the mask slip. In isolation these behavior traits are unreliable indicators, but if you witness a number of them, a queen of manipulation may be operating on you.

"She is an aggressor and she picks fights with opponents who have been duped into believing she is a friend or a lover. Once she befriends her victims, she relies on their reasonableness to forgive her transgressions. However, most of her actions are hidden, because she has learned to fight with invisible weapons and wields them with the deadliness and accuracy of a samurai warrior. Invariably, you don't see anything until the fight is over and she has won.

"She is capable of being furious if she is ignored or is not given what she wants. She has mastered the art of expressing an opinion so forcibly and convincingly that it takes on the appearance of being a fact.

"Her regular tantrums involve swearing, shouting, intimidation and threatens. She will wear people down until, for a quieter life, they agree with her. Interestingly, what she threatens to inflict on others is what she would find most damaging and hurtful to herself. Equally interestingly, she feels criticism and humiliation intensely, even if none is intended or given, and she will fight ferociously to defend what she sees as an attack, whether or not there is one. Sometimes she will create a threat in her mind merely to defend and excuse what she knows to be her own dreadful behavior.

"She will expect you to keep quiet about her conduct towards you, assuming you will feel shame or embarrassment because you tolerate it. If you collude by maintaining your silence, it perpetuates her behavior. She needs her victims to stay quiet about her. Beware of allowing yourself to get sucked into this game. She'll take delight in knocking you down a peg or two - for your own good, of course!

"This attitude demonstrates a lack of concern for other people's wishes, welfare and rights, and she matter-of-factly shows a blatant disregard for society's rules, regulations and laws. A petty but common example of this is her blasé attitude towards parking her car. Parking restrictions simply don't apply to her and parking tickets are stuffed in the glove compartment to be forgotten and left unpaid.

"Parking fines are not the only unpaid bills that mount up. When the bailiffs call she spins her sob story and plays the victim. Yet the moment they have been persuaded to leave she feels nothing more than contempt for those to whom she owes money. Her definition of a personal loan is often more like a donation; so don't expect to see your cash again. Don't ever open a joint bank account with her. She defaults on formal loans, and will almost certainly have a poor credit rating. She may even have stacks of County Court Judgments (CCJs) against her.

"She routinely fails to honor other promises and commitments. The consequences of her behavior are always somebody else's problem, not hers. She is never to blame for anything and is highly likely to be one of life's complainers. Because she's out to control, she manipulates and punishes at will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the jury, the executioner - but never the accused.

"She may believe that antisocial behavior is justified because of her 'difficult' circumstances, even though she may have contributed to them. She will break the rules without a second thought, if the end justifies the means..."