Life is a beautiful struggle...I wouldn't change a thing.....This how I see it.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

hate me

whew. i'm tired. it can take alot out of a person being hated so much. lol. i know you think i'm kidding,(i'm such a sweetheart, right?? yeah, right!)but it really is emotionally draining. cuz it makes you question yourself. it breeds doubt and distrust in your own mind. but i'm strong enough not to succumb to that. i have my conscience and my own moral compass and my own creator that I answer to. so all those people that hate me for things that i've said or done or things i haven't said or done are meaningless and i don't have to change who i am or how i feel or in what manner i opt to handle life. i'm ok with myself. i can look back on my recent history and NOT make excuses or feel guilty or wish i'd done this or that differently. guilt and regret are sucky-ass feelings and God saw fit to bless me with that knowledge EARLY in life and I THANK HIM FOR IT. And I don't justify my actions with lame-o excuses-I live my life so i don't NEED excuses. I don't NEED justification. The proof is in the pudding. I'm rich, creamy, and Delicious. What?
if i feel i've genuinely fucked up i can absolutely apologize and attempt to atone for it and honestly-I WANT TO. I need to cleanse my soul of any awfulness committed without first listening to my conscience. Unfortunately passion has no conscience, so emotions must be checked as often as possible.
anywho, i just needed to say that being hated be so many-even by people nearest and dearest to my heart, changes NOTHING. I know who I am and what I want. I don't want to cause problems just gimmie what I came for, lol. Nothing is going to change who I am what I stand for, what I want outta this life, my morals, or my values. Hating me won't stop my contempt for you. And hating me won't change my love for you. You hating me changes nothing.
Thats it.
i'm tired.

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