living

Standing outside just now.....studying the night. Watching  a mist of rain/snow fall to the ground, given shape only backlit by the spotlight outside my porch, so light....yet just heavy enough to have the force of earths gravity exerted these tiny drops and pull them to earth. I am struck by life.
"life's not a bitch. life is a beautiful woman. you only call her a bitch cuz she wouldn't let you get that pussy."

Possibly my favortie quote of all time. It's so true. We curse our lives, because they won't let us get the good stuff. The good man, the nice house, the great job, lots of money, easy living. Our dreams will never come true. Not thru any fault of our own-but because LIFE is a fucking bitch and has set us up for failure.

I don't believe this. I believe that each of us has the power to do anything we want to do and go anywhere we want to go and accomplish anything we set out to. I believe that with God, miracles can happen and our potential is infinate. But even with my faith set aside, I still believe there are not limitations set on us. I have had this belief since I was only enough to have a memory of my conscious thought. I have always believed that I can be anyone I want to, through hard work, and dedication, intelligence, and commitment. I could be president. I could be a famous actor. I could be a best-selling novelist. Doctor. Teacher. Lawyer. Real-estate mogul. That could be me. I am not limited by my mediocre beginnings. My lack of money or connections or first-rate schooling are not limitations. They do not cap my potential. My family legacy of addiction and metal illness do not define who I or could be. They only thing that could ever stop me is me, or death.
And I've had those moments. Those, "my life sucks and i wish it were over cuz I simply cannot go on anymore." moments. When my mom abandoned me. When my dad would beat me until I wished death would come...just to end the pain. When I lost men, who I lived for on MULTIPLE occsasions to jail, with no concept of when they would be back, or if they would. I would think, "life is a bitch and god hates me" i thought i was cursed. But i'm not. I'm BLESSES. I get to be here. I get to keep going. And I know I can DO whatever it is I want to do. I have that luxury. I have that freedom. I am alive and I am here and neither life or God is against me. I just have to take the good with the bad, cuz it's not always sunny. Sometimes it rains and sometimes theres an ice storm and you end up on the side of the road in a ditch.
But you get up.
You climb out.
You carry on.
And isn't that wonderful?
I sure think it is.
And this beautiful woman that we call life shouldn't be cursed. Maybe that's what makes her a bitch. I know when someone curses me out that pretty much rules out a second date. Maybe we need to wine her and dine her a little more. Maybe we need to put a little more work and effort in our relationship. Maybe we need to be a little more thoughtful and remeber and celebrate the good times we've had with her. I think she'll like that. And maybe the better we are to life, that GORGEOUS woman....maybe the better she'll be to us. And maybe she'll finally let us get the "pussy". That stuff that makes us feel so good. The money or the family or the home or the job or the friends or the security...everything. Maybe if we're nice to life, and treat her right....she'll let us go
all
the
WAY.