I am. For Van's sake. For the last FIVE years and possibly before that....the twins have not spent the night on Christmas Eve to wake up here and open up their presents fresh outta their beds. And Christmas is Van's season. He loves it. And it means so much to him and Friday was so crazy it was swindled away from him. He made a tough choice. And it cost him his dream of getting to watch his babies wake up in his home n Christmas Day. So I'm praying for a miracle. That somehow he gets his wish. That somebody's heart grows three sizes today and the selfishness and greed are lost, if only for a moment. They people that know our situation well know already, they knew from the first line of this, that my prayers are in vain. Something....probably logic or reason or just REALITY, in the back of my mind keeps telling me the same thing. But I just pray louder. I'm allowed to hope. My life is infinitely simpler and so much less stressful because I have learned and quickly applied the principle that I can control nothing but MYSELF. I cannot control other people. I cannot control my circumstances or my environment. So I don't have to worry and dwell and fret over schemes and manipulations and plans to even try. I only control me. And I can do whatever I damn well please. I have free will. It is my gift from God. It is my liberty and right. And I can pray. And I can hope. And I can believe that even the worst person can redeem themselves and do good. I can believe that the most selfish among us can be selfless. I believe the greedy can be giving. I believe in miracles. I've seen plenty of them. I've seen my share of bad-my life has not been an easy one. But I will not let that jade me. I will always expect the best. And try my best to contain all disappointment when things that are unfair, or inconvenient, or just plain wrong occur. And I will continue to hope.
"Hope is a good thing. Perhaps the best of things."-Andy Dufrense
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